Between the Raindrops
by Poledra182
Summary: A collection of moments in the lives of Riley and Lucas.
1. When Lightening Strikes

**I have all of these outtakes from my stories and pieces of stories that I'm not sure will ever become full-blown stories, so I figured this was a good place to put them. It will not be updated regularly and I have no intention of making this a cohesive, full-size fic, so I promise it's not taking away from my other works.**

 **Disclaimer: I obviously do not own any of these characters. I'm just giving them a place to stay, while we wait to see if they can find a permanent home.**

* * *

The smell of greasy dough and artificial cheese drifted across the room, as Riley leaned back in the plastic chair. The sound of pins being knocked over and bowling balls hitting the hardwood, made any kind of conversation difficult, but Maya was trying, anyway.

"Remind me again, why we're doing this?" Maya complained, settling into the seat next to Riley and holding up a pair of rented shoes. Lucas and Zay were still talking with the guy at the counter, as they debated whether they wanted the bumper rails on or not.

"Because it was Zay's turn to pick our double date," Riley offered, already tying up the laces on her shoes.

"I don't know what I see in him," Maya complained, slipping off her boots and wiggling her toes in her socks, as she contemplated whether she was going to put the rented shoes on or not, "And I don't know how Farkle and Smackle managed to talk their way out of this."

"It was something to do with debate," Riley offered, though, truthfully, they'd thrown out so many four syllable words that Riley hadn't followed much of what they were saying.

"Ready?" Lucas asked, cheerfully, as he settled into the seat next to Riley.

Riley nodded enthusiastically, her ponytail brushing against the back of her neck from the movement, as Maya let out an unintelligible moan.

"It'll be fun," Riley assured her, watching as Zay crossed the room towards them.

* * *

"That was not fun," Maya informed Riley, as they made their way up the street.

"Come on, you're not even the one who fell down," Riley reminded her, resisting the urge to rub her backside at the memory and to test the level of bruising she could expect.

"You're just saying that because you lost," Zay offered, walking backwards, so that he could face them, "I told you, I was good at this game."

They'd played girls against boys and Maya and Riley had lost spectacularly. Riley had landed every ball in the gutter and Maya hadn't even been trying. It didn't take long before it was Lucas and Zay playing each other, while Riley and Maya watched from the sidelines. By the end, Riley had discovered why Zay had chosen this particular game for their date. It might be the one sport, in which, he's better than Lucas.

"I would have taken your word for it," Maya informed him and he laughed good naturedly before spinning around, so that he was walking beside the blonde.

"You want to go for ice cream?" Lucas suggested, swinging the hand that he had twined with Riley's.

"I'm beat," Zay replied, "But, if you guys want to go, by all means."

"I'm not third-wheeling it," Maya snorted.

"I guess that leave just us," Lucas turned to Riley.

"I never turn down ice cream," Riley replied, her lips pulling into a smile as their eyes met.

She'd heard that the feeling would go away. The butterflies in her stomach would stop flapping around and her heart would stop racing every time she looked at him. And, for the most part, it had. But, it was replaced by the feeling she got whenever his eyes met hers, that he was looking at her and really seeing her.

It wasn't the excitement of what could be, it was the excitement of what was.

"What are you thinking about?" Lucas asked, as they sat across from each other at Topanga's.

Technically, the store was closed, but Riley had used her own key to let them in. They still had an hour until curfew and Riley intended to spend every second of it with her boyfriend. They hadn't gotten to spend a lot of time together, lately, and she'd missed him.

"I think Maya and Zay are going to break up," Riley confessed, biting her lip, as she let her spoon drop into the bowl. It hadn't been exactly what she was thinking about, but it was a concern that had started weighing on her mind after seeing them together that night.

"They seemed fine to me," Lucas shrugged.

"You can't tell me you didn't notice the tension between them?" Riley asked, leaning back in her seat.

"I think it was in your head," Lucas informed her and Riley's eyes narrowed into a glare.

"They didn't seem happy," she offered, unable to explain the feeling that she'd been getting whenever she saw them together. Zay had seemed more sullen than usual and Maya seemed intent to ignore it, all of that had to add up something.

"Come on, Riles. Lots of couples have ups and downs," Lucas reminded her, his fingers tearing the corner of one of the napkins that Riley had piled in the middle of the table, "And isn't this a conversation you should be having with Maya, anyway?"

"Probably," Riley agreed, her eyes dropping to the table, as she stared at her melting mound of mint chocolate chip.

Awkward silences were a rare occurrence between the two of them, but Riley couldn't think of anything to say to pull them out of this one.

"You're not going to correct me for calling you, 'Riles?'" Lucas changed the subject and Riley's eyes snapped up in surprise.

"I don't mind it," Riley shrugged, wondering where he was going with this.

"But Maya does," he reminded her and Riley took a bite of her ice cream in an attempt to avoid answering.

Lucas waited patiently for her to swallow and she sighed, "Does that bother you?"

"You know that I don't want to get between you and Maya, but it's hard to find a part of you that doesn't already belong to her," Lucas confessed, "And, sometimes, it would be nice to have a piece of you that was just mine."

There was probably some kind of poetic justice in the situation that they had found themselves in. For such a long time, she'd had to share Lucas with Maya and now he was having to share her with Maya. Both situations were breeding grounds for resentment, although they had and continued to battle it.

She was, honestly, surprised that he had taken such a long time to broach the idea. She'd been sensing how much it bothered him for a while.

"I want to give you that," Riley admitted, "I'm just not sure how, yet."

He nodded, his eyes dropping to the table, as he contemplated her words.

"I can wait," he decided, his eyes flickering up to hers and back down the table. They looked like green sea glass in the faded light.

She nodded once, the taste of mint, suddenly becoming bitter in her mouth.

"Are you happy, being with me?" Riley's voice came out more vulnerable than she intended and she thought her heart might stop beating as she waited for his answer.

"Yes," Lucas responded, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand, "I'm more than happy with you. Are you happy with me?"

"More than happy," Riley echoed him, her thumb running across the top of his knuckles. There was a scar on one of them from one of the fights that he had gotten in and she hesitated a moment on it, as she traced the jagged edges.

"Whatever's going on with Zay and Maya, I'm not going anywhere," he promised her.

* * *

Riley's supposed to know something about love. She's Riley Mathews and there's never been a moment in her life where she's had to doubt that there's someone in the world who loves her. She grew up with the great Cory-And-Topanga love story, so she's never questioned that some people are meant to be together.

But, she's not sure if she's found it herself. She knows that she loves Lucas, but how does she know that it's the kind of love that could last a lifetime? How does she know that they'll still be happy together a year for now or even six months from now?

"I can hear you thinking from all the way over here," Zay informed her, from where he was sipping a smoothie and working on the homework that he had laid out before him.

She'd started working at Topanga's to earn some extra cash during the summer before her Sophomore year and, now, she worked a couple of afternoons a week.

Katy had rehearsals for an Off-Broadway production that she was working on and Topanga was in the process of trying to hold onto her job, after turning down a major promotion that would have caused the family to move to London. The firm was questioning her loyalty to her career path and Riley knew that her mother was trying to prove herself all over again.

She'd figured that it was a win-win situation, where she could still hang out with her friends after school and help out her family. However, Maya had started teaching after school art classes at the middle school, Farkle and Smackle had meetings with the Academic Decathlon and Debate teams, and Lucas had made it onto the Sophomore football team, after deciding that he didn't want his last experience with football to be him giving up in Freshman year.

She's not sure why Zay hadn't decided to do it with him, but for whatever reason, it was Zay, who still showed up at the bakery every day.

"Earth to Riley," Zay spoke again and Riley looked up from the same patch of counter that she'd been scrubbing for the last few minutes.

"Sorry, I'm a little out of it," Riley admitted, blowing at a strand of hair that had fallen from her ponytail and into her face.

"Anything you want to talk about?" he questioned.

Riley wasn't sure how to broach what Lucas and she had been talking about, but she figured that she could dance around the subject and hope that something came from it.

"You're dating Maya, right?" Riley asked, setting down the rag and crossing the room to talk to him.

"I think so. Sometimes, I think she forgets," he joked, leaning back in his seat.

Riley knew that Zay had genuine feelings for Maya, but no one would argue that the blonde was always hesitant when it came to reciprocating that affection. Riley knew that Maya cared for him, but she liked to keep one foot out the door. Whether that was because she had trust issues or because she was waiting for Josh, Riley had been too afraid to ask. Based on Zay's comment, she guessed she wasn't the only one.

"Do you love her?" Riley pressed, sinking into the chair opposite of him.

"I don't know," he shrugged, looking uncomfortable with the question, "I like her a lot and we have fun together, but I've always known that I'm a stand-in."

"You're not a stand-in," Riley protested, automatically.

"But I'm not her first choice, either," he argued, folding his arms across his chest, "So, what's this all about?"

"Lucas and I are going on a year of being together," Riley replied.

"I remember," Zay urged her on, when she didn't continue, "He's planning something nice."

"But, I don't know if I love him," Riley admitted, looking up as she waited for Zay to tell her what a horrible person she was.

"Anyone who sees the two of you together, know that you love him," Zay snorted.

"I mean, the way that I'm supposed to. The romantic, all-consuming, Cory-and-Topanga kind of love."

"Well, then, how do you love him? Because we've already clarified that it's not as a brother and it would be a little weird if you kissed me and Farkle the way that you kiss Lucas," Zay informed her and she buried her head in her hands.

"I know that I have more-than-friendly feelings for him, but how am I supposed to know if it's the kind of love that's going to last a lifetime?" Riley dropped her head into her hands, letting her hair fall into her face.

"Does it have to last a lifetime?" Zay questioned and Riley's head bounced up, "I'm not going to pretend to know anything about the kind of love that you're talking about, but, the way I see it, you can't put that kind of pressure on your relationship or it's going to crumble. You have Lucas, all of him, and, right now, isn't that enough?"

"It hurts him that I know that Maya and I are forever, but I can't put that kind of faith in my relationship with him. And, I don't want to hurt him anymore, I want to know."

"Well, we don't get to know the ending in life, we just get right now and we get to hope," Zay shrugged and Riley bit her lip as she thought through his words, "And you're the best person at hoping that I know."

"Thanks," she smiled, standing up from her seat to go back to work.

"Anytime," Zay returned to his homework.

Riley returned to scrubbing the counters, while she attempted to push her concerns from her mind. It was easy for Zay to tell her to just hope for things to work out, but Riley wasn't sure that hope would be enough in this case.

* * *

"Hey," Maya greeted Riley as she made her way through The Bay Window.

Riley was seated on her bed, finishing up her homework. Katy was taking the last shift at _Topanga's_ and Riley had been home for a little over an hour.

"Peaches," Riley greeted her, setting aside her notebook and pencil.

"You have that face you get when you want to talk about something serious," Maya informed her, sinking down on the edge of Riley's bed and kicking off her boots.

"What's going on with you and Zay?" Riley got straight to the point, watching as Maya's shoulders tensed at the question.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Riley insisted, "The two of you have been together for just a little less time than Lucas and I, but the two of you don't seem to be going anywhere."

"We can't all be Lucas and you, Riles," Maya snorted, leaning back against the mount of Riley's pillows.

"You know that wasn't how I meant it," Riley sighed, leaning back next to her and spreading her feet out on top of her textbook.

"I know, it's just, why does our relationship have to go anywhere? He wanted to be the guy that went on dates with me and that's what he is. We go on dates and we hold hands and he puts up with my moods," Maya shrugged.

"But would you pick him over Josh?" Riley asked, thinking of the way Josh had taken to avoiding the apartment and how he, somehow, managed to only be there when he knew that Maya wouldn't be.

"We both know the answer to that, Honey," Maya pointed out, turning her head to stare at the ceiling.

"The problem is, Maya, that I think Zay knows that, too."

* * *

The first time that Riley experiences heartbreak, it's second hand. She's standing at her locker, watching Maya and Zay talk at the end of the hall and based on their body language, she knows exactly what's being said.

She's at just the right angle to see the expression on Zay's face and the only word that seems like it might be able to cover it is: devastation. Whatever he had told Riley, he had loved her and Maya couldn't give herself to him.

Maya's a lot of things, but cruel isn't one of them. She won't string along Zay, when she knows that he's developed genuine feelings for her and she can't commit to him. But, Riley has to wonder if Maya had ever really even tried.

"What's going on?" Lucas questioned, stepping in front of her and blocking her view.

"Today's your day off from football practice, isn't it?" Riley ignored his question, turning and stuffing a book she didn't need into her locker.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be catching up on homework," Lucas replied, his eyes flickering to a picture of them that Riley had taped to the inside of her locker. They were at _Topanga's_ and Lucas had his arm wrapped around Riley, as she laughed at something that he had said.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" Riley pressed, biting her lip, as she waited for his answer.

"Always," he replied, taking his bag from her with one hand and wrapping his free arm around her, as they walked in the opposite direction down the hall.

They made it down the school steps and Riley laced her fingers with his, as she pulled him down the street. There was a part of her heart that was breaking for what she knew that Zay was going through, but it made her appreciate what she had that much more.

She fell into step with him, as they made their way down the subway steps, content just to be in each other's company.

"Did you have somewhere in mind?" Lucas asked, as Riley guided him onto the subway and found a spot with two seats.

"Not really," Riley admitted, her head sinking onto his shoulder.

"You're acting weird," Lucas informed her, looking at her in concern, "Did someone say something to you about us, again?"

Riley smiled at the protective edge to his voice. They were never going to be one of those couples that made-out against the lockers or said long goodbyes in the hallways outside of their classroom, but Riley had a tendency to stay close to him when something happened. It hadn't taken Lucas long to connect the dots in her behaviors and what she was feelings. How well he knew her was one of the things that she loved about him.

"No, I just realized how lucky we are," Riley confessed, her head popping up so that she could meet his gaze, "I told Maya, once, that if we're lucky in this life we get an extraordinary relationship and I thought that expecting anything other than my friendship with her would be like asking lightning to strike in the same place, twice. But, now, I realize that I was just scared. I don't know if we're going to last forever, but when I think about our relationship, I don't think I could ever find anything better than this. This relationship is everything that I could ever want."

"I love you, Riley," Lucas informed her, his eyes burning with his feelings.

"I love you, Lucas," Riley smiled, blinking back the tears that had suddenly gathered in her eyes.

His hand reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her hear, before he cupped her face. Though, it was her that closed the distance and pressed her lips to his, when she decided that he was taking too long.

If their first kiss was summer rain, this one was the moment where the sun broke out from behind the dark, gray clouds and made the raindrops sparkle like crystals across the grass.

They broke apart and Lucas rested his forehead against Riley's.

"You're the first boy that I ever liked, my first date, my first kiss, and the first boy that I ever loved. And those are pieces of me that will only ever be yours," Riley managed to get out, before he'd pressed his lips to hers, again.

* * *

"Hey, Peaches," Riley found Maya seated in The Bay Window, her expression blank.

Lucas had gotten a text from Zay and gone to see his best friend, though both of them could have rode that subway car forever. Riley set her things at the foot of her bed, before crossing the room and sinking down next to the blonde.

"Am I bad person?" Maya asked, playing with a hole in the knee of her jeans.

"Of course, not," Riley was quick to assure her.

"I thought I would be relieved to end things with Zay because I knew that we were never going, anywhere. I'd even been thinking about doing it for, awhile, but I didn't want to throw our group into any more drama," Maya admitted, her hair blocking Riley from being able to see her face, "But, I don't feel relieved. I feel like I just hurt a great guy, who cares a lot about me, for a relationship that may or may not work, and what kind of person does that?"

"You didn't love him, Maya," Riley reminded her, reaching out and wrapping her arm around the blonde.

"How do you know that, Riles? I don't even know what love is," Maya's voice broke, as she lost the battle to hold back her tears.

"Because love is being able to give all of yourself to someone; it's the long talks about nothing, and the long talks about everything, it's seeing someone at their best and at their worst and still wanting to spend every second at their side. And, one day, you'll stumble into it and you'll realize that you never want to get out."

"You finally realized that you're in love with him?" Maya's head snapped up.

"I thought we were talking about you?" Riley reminded her, a blush starting to form on her cheeks.

"My problems will still be there in the morning."

"I love him," Riley offered, surprised by how easily the words were to say, once she'd admitted it to herself and to him, "I think, maybe, I've loved him all along. But the feeling grew, until I couldn't ignore it, anymore."

"I'm happy for you, Honey," Maya groaned, leaning her head against Riley's shoulders.

"No, you're not," Riley laughed, rubbing Maya's shoulder with her thumb.

"I'm just thinking about how much more time I'm going to have to share you with him, now," Maya admitted.

"I'll always make time for you," Riley promised.

"I'll always make time for you, too," Maya agreed, her head lifting up.

Riley watches Maya descend the fire escape through the window. She's not sure if Maya did the right thing in letting go of her relationship with Zay for a potential relationship that she might have in the future, but she can't ignore the way Maya moves as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Maya makes it off the last rung and starts down the street, becoming engrossed in her cell phone and suddenly colliding with a boy in the street. It takes Riley only a second to deduce that it's Josh that she's run into, who was supposed to be coming to the house for dinner.

"What are you doing?" Auggie asked, pausing in her doorway.

"Accepting that maybe fate knows more than I do," Riley admitted, turning her attention away from the window, "Let's go see if Mom needs any help setting the table."

* * *

 **6 Months Later**

Riley set Zay's smoothie onto the table next to him, as he finished off an essay that was due the next day.

"Thanks," he glanced up at her, before returning to his smoothie.

He'd been different since Maya had broken up with him and Lucas insisted that it was worse because he'd been the one who'd been dumped. He put on a good face whenever the group was hanging out with each other, though.

Riley sighed and returned to the back of the counter, where she was in the process of training someone else to run the shop. Katy's off-Broadway show had received rave reviews and it had helped her get cast in another show. She was slowly making a name for herself, which meant that she had cut back to two days a week at the bakery.

"Who is that?" their new hire, Olivia, questioned, her eyes fixed on Zay across the room.

"My friend Zay," Riley replied, ducking under the counter to grab a new bag of napkins. She'd noticed that the ones on Zay's table were almost out, which meant that it was probably time to check all of them.

"Lucas's friend from Texas?" Olivia clarified and Riley was surprised to discover that she had been listening.

Riley had a thing against awkward silences and had tried to fill any silence that had fallen between the two of them as they cleaned the bakery before closing. From the blank expression on the Eighth graders face, she had assumed that the fourteen-year-old was zoning out.

"Right," Riley offered, setting the bag on the counter, as she went looking for the scissors.

"You said that he just had a bad breakup, didn't you?" Olivia questioned, her eyes looking anywhere other than at Riley.

"A while ago," Riley replied, wondering where this conversation was going.

"Oh," Olivia replied, as Riley found the scissors and returned to her task of restocking the napkin containers.

Before she could press Olivia, the door opened and Riley looked up to find her boyfriend filling it.

"Hey," she greeted him, task forgotten.

"Hey," he replied, crossing the room and leaning over the counter to press a kiss onto Riley's lips.

"Ignore them, when they get stars in their eyes like that, they're in an entirely different world from the rest of us," Zay informed Olivia, leaning against the counter.

"Right," Olivia grabbed a stack of napkins.

"You're the new waitress, aren't you?" Zay asked.

"That's what they told me when they gave me this fancy apron," Olivia joked, gesturing to the apparel.

"You want to some help with that," Zay questioned, gesturing to the napkins.

"I make it a point to never turn down free manual labor," Olivia informed him, handing him the bag of napkins and rounding the counter. She led him in the direction of the table that he had been sitting at and Riley managed to drag her attention away from Lucas long enough to watch them.

"Is that a good idea?" Lucas asked, his eyes following Riley's across the room.

"Zay and Olivia?" Riley clarified.

"She's kind of young for him, isn't she?"

"She'll be a freshman when school starts up again," Riley shrugged, "And it might not be anything."

"I guess," Lucas shrugged, as Riley grabbed Lucas's usual order from under the counter and laid it out in front of him, "She kind of looks like Maya, doesn't she?"

Riley glanced over, taking in the blonde hair and the petite form of the new waitress.

"I don't see it," Riley shrugged.

Lucas shook his head and turned his attention to the food in front of him. Business was slow that afternoon, so Riley sank down next to him and burrowed into his shoulder.

"Sorry, I'm late, it started raining," Topanga announced, squeezing the water from her hair, as she entered through the front door. Topanga had quit her job a month ago, and decided to start her own firm. Splitting her time between the bakery and her new business had left her stretched pretty thin, but she seemed happier, so Riley was willing to pick up the slack.

"Come on," Lucas grabbed Riley's hand, leading her passed Topanga and out the door.

"What are we doing?" Riley asked, as he pulled her up the steps and onto the street.

"It's a summer rainstorm," Lucas informed her and Riley laughed as he pulled her into his arms and led her through an exaggerated waltz.

"I love you," she informed him, her head settling into the space between his neck and his shoulder, as the water saturated her hair and shirt.

"We're going to make it, Riles," he breathed into her hair and Riley knew exactly what he meant. She could see the future, too, in moments like this. The tiny heads of brown hair and green eyes and the house with the white-picket fence.

Riley pulled away from him, just enough to push up onto the tips of her toes and wrap both arms around his neck. His head move down to meet hers and she smiled as their lips met.

She didn't need hope, anymore, she had faith.

* * *

 **This was my attempt at something fluffy for Valentine's day. I know that I should be working on Heat Stroke or LOT, but I was down all of last week, sick, so this week I'm trying to catch up with my classes. Know that chapters for both of them are in progress and I'm going to get them up as soon as I can.**

 **This does not take place in any of my other stories universes, but is kind of a snippet of some of the things that I would have liked to see in a season four. (I know we're still hoping that another network picks them up, but I feel like things are looking pretty grim at the moment.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. The title comes from the song by Lifehouse, which you should go check out. I would love it if you would leave me a review! Thanks!**


	2. Heart on Your Sleeve

The first-time Riley wears something of his, it's his sweatshirt. It's bright red, emblazoned with their high school logo, and there's a stain on the sleeve from when his pen had snapped in half and the ink had gotten on everything.

It drowns her tiny form, but she doesn't seem to mind, as she rolls up the sleeves and wraps her arms around herself.

He catches her smelling it out of the corner of his eyes and has a frantic moment where he's counting back the days to the last time that he washed it, but she just catches his gaze and a blush appears in her cheeks, before she quickly glances away.

"Thanks for walking me home," she offers, looking uncertainly down at the cracks in the sidewalk.

"We haven't had a lot of time to talk lately. I miss it," he admitted, thinking of how messed up things had become since they had started high school.

The constant balancing of things between Maya and Riley was wearing on him and he wasn't sure that he could ever really even things up. His relationship with each of them was so different.

"Me too," she offers, before lapsing back into silence.

They make it another few blocks in silence and all too soon, he's leading her up the steps of her building. He'd been hoping for one of those deep conversations they used to have that would make him think, or for her to look at him with those wide-brown eyes that were absorbing everything that he was saying and really listening.

But, she just shrugs out of the jacket as they reach her door and hands it over to him.

"You could keep it," he suggested, awkwardly, knowing that he should make a comment about how much better it looks on her or how much he likes seeing her in his clothes, but he can't get the words out fast enough.

"It's better that you have it for when you're evening things up," she informed him, slipping through her door and leaving him standing out in the hallway.

He clutches the bunched red fabric in his hands before lifting it up to his own nose. It mostly smells like his body wash, but he can pick up the faded traces of something citrus that he likes to believe belongs to the brunette.

He hangs the sweatshirt in the back of his closet and completely forgets about it until it's time for him to make his final decision between Maya and Riley. He finds himself pulling it out of the closet and smelling it again, hoping for any trace of Riley, but all that's left is a musty smell that comes from his unwashed laundry that's been sitting below it.

For some reason, he never got around to evening things up and he tries to imagine Maya in it and just can't seem to do it. There's only one girl he's ever wanted to see in his clothes.

* * *

Riley sat on the floor of Lucas's bedroom, carefully folding a pile of his shirts before stacking them in the open box on the floor.

"You could just toss them in there," Lucas suggested, reentering the room and handing Riley a water bottle that he had just snagged from the fridge.

"I am not going to just throw your clothes into a box," Riley snorted, leaning back against the edge of his bed, as she unscrewed the cap on the water, "Unpacking is going to be so much easier if you're organized."

"They'll probably all end up under my bed, anyway," Lucas informed her and Riley let out a long-suffering sigh before her eyes rolled to the ceiling.

"I don't know how your mother has put up with you for all these years," Riley offered, setting the water bottle down next to her, as she folded a blue, flannel shirt and added it to the top of the pile.

"She's on her way to sainthood," Lucas returned, shoving the box forward, so that he could sprawl out next to her.

"I don't doubt it," Riley smiled before her eyes darkened as a contemplative look took over her face.

"What are you thinking about?" Lucas pressed, threading his fingers through the hand that she had resting on her thigh.

"We're starting college next week," Riley replied, her head sagging onto his shoulder.

"I know," he rested his head atop of hers, as he glanced around at the remains of his room. It looked like he'd been robbed or a tornado had blown through and left everything out of place.

"It's going to be different," she sighed.

"Probably, but I can tell you one thing that will still be the same," he agreed.

"What's that?"

"You and me," he replied and she pulled back to look at him.

"You're at an entirely different school," she reminded him.

"Which is thirty-five minutes away by car and forty-five if I take the Subway. We're going to see so much of each other, you'll be begging me to leave you alone," Lucas promised.

"What about classes? We're going to get busy and we'll make new friends," Riley argued, her head having already played through a million of these scenarios.

"But none of those things will be as important as you," he assured her, his eyes burning as they pierced into hers.

"You say that now," Riley trailed off, her eyes moving down to their clasped hands.

"If I show you something, you have to promise me you won't freak out," Lucas said and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What is it?"

"Promise," he insisted, squeezing her hand, as he waited for her answer.

"Okay, I promise not to freak out," Riley agreed, watching as he dropped her hand and got up from the floor. He made his way over to his bedside dresser and pulled something out, enclosing it in his hands, before he returned to sink down beside her, again.

"What is that?" Riley questioned, feeling her heart speed up in her chest.

Lucas opened his hand to reveal a black, velvet box and Riley immediately stopped breathing.

"You can open it if you want," Lucas suggested, setting it into her hand.

"What's in it?" Riley asked, terrified of what she was going to find inside.

"It's my promise to you that nothing will ever be as important to me, as you are."

Riley bit her lip, her hands running over the box, as she tried to decide whether she was going to open it or not. It could be nothing, but Riley, also, wouldn't put it passed Lucas to have already gotten her a ring.

It had been several months ago, that he had informed her that he was done with her constantly saying that she didn't know if things between them were going to work out. He knew they were and she could doubt all she wanted, but it wasn't going to change what he already knew to be true.

"Luke?" Riley looked up at him, surprised by the mixture of amusement and pure love that she saw in his eyes. It was impossible to doubt him when he was looking at her like that.

"You can wait to open it, but it's not going anywhere. It's for you, Riley, when you're ready," he assured her.

"I love you," Riley whispered, feeling that the words couldn't fully express what she was feeling for him at the moment.

"Hey, Man, you're still packing," Zay interrupted them from the doorway and Riley jumped, dropping the box in her surprise.

"We keep getting distracted," Riley admitted, as Lucas stealthily retrieved the box from the floor and slipped it into the pocket of his jeans.

"Sure, you do," Zay's voice was laced with innuendo, "If we're going to be on time for dinner. We need to get out of here, now."

"I was going to go home and change," Riley complained, her eyes flickering to the window that was coated in raindrops. She'd managed to make it to Lucas's home before the rain had started, but she was going to be cold in the short-sleeve shirt that she was wearing.

"You can borrow a jacket," Lucas suggested, snagging one of the last ones that was left on the hanger. It just happened to be Riley's favorite. It was made out of the softest, blue fleece, which had the double benefit of being something that Riley loved to burrow into and it brought out the color of Lucas's eyes.

"Okay," Riley agreed, pulling it on and zipping it up. She was drowning in it, especially since Lucas had put on almost twenty pounds of muscle in the last year and she wondered if she looked like a child playing dress up.

She glanced up and was surprised to find that Lucas's eyes had glazed over as he looked at her.

"What?" Riley questioned, looking to Zay to see what his reaction was.

"You look fine, let's go before they order the food without us," Zay insisted, gesturing wildly in the direction of the front door.

"Alright, alright," Riley snorted, following Zay and glancing back to see that Lucas hadn't moved from the spot that he was standing in, "Lucas, are you coming?"

"Yeah, of course," Lucas shook it off, grabbing a vaguely familiar red sweatshirt and pulling it on over his head. It stretched tightly across his chest and arms and if she was playing dress up, he looked like he'd shrunk his clothes in the wash.

"Did you want to trade?" Riley suggested, as he followed her out of his bedroom and down the hallway.

"I'm good," Lucas decided, locking the door, before he shoved his keys into the front pocket.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," he insisted, grabbing her hand, as they caught up with Zay and made their way into the night.

At the end of the night, the rain has stopped and Lucas is walking her home, the sweatshirt clutched in his hands.

"You going to tell me what's with the sweatshirt?" Riley asked, her hands buried deep inside the pockets of his jacket.

"You don't remember it?" he looked at her in surprise and she shook her head, "This is the first sweatshirt of mine that you wore."

"Alright," Riley offered, trying to figure out where his head was.

"I asked you if you wanted to keep it and you gave it back to me and told me to even things up with Maya," Lucas explained.

"So, you didn't want me to wear it because Maya has?" Riley questioned, resisting the urge to laugh at the absurdity of the idea. They were so far beyond their freshman year that it was barely an annotation in the history of their relationship. Lucas had made it up her a thousand times since then and Maya had been sporting a pretty ratty NYU hoodie that night that she wouldn't be caught dead in if she wasn't not-so-secretly in a relationship with Josh.

"No, it was one of the many things that I couldn't bring myself to even up," he admitted, "I didn't want you to wear it because I've made it a goal to see you in as many of my clothes as possible."

"You're ridiculous," Riley informed him, a smile spreading across her face as she looked up at him.

"But you figured that out a long time ago," he shrugged, unable to hold back his answering smile.

* * *

True to his word, Lucas spends most of his freshmen year of college sneaking into Riley's sorority, which means that he spends uncountable hours hiding under Riley's bed. Riley sets up a reading light under there and he gets quite a bit of studying done, to which Maya never skips the opportunity to laugh at him about.

She ended up at NYU in their art program, while Riley had decided to attend Columbia. She's changed her major too many times for Lucas to keep track of what she's currently studying, but she's not as stressed about the future as he had expected her to be.

It doesn't take long for half his clothes to somehow end up in Riley's closet and if her roommate thinks that it's weird that most of Riley's nightshirts and jackets have the Cornell logo on them, she never says anything. At least, not while Lucas is around.

"You're in my room," Lucas said blankly, his bookbag halfway to the floor and one shoe already kicked off. He was usually the one to visit Riley, although she'd come down and they'd had dinner a couple of times. He knew that she was worried about what kind of state that he was keeping his dorm room in and he worried that if he invited her over, she'd think he just wanted her there to clean.

"Your roommate let me in," Riley admitted, from where she was sitting on the edge of his bed. Her shoulders were slumped and he could automatically tell that something was wrong, "I'm relieved to see that you aren't actually keeping your clothes under the bed."

"I've gained a new appreciation for that particular location," Lucas joked, sinking down next to her and pulling her into his arms, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" Riley asked, her voice slightly muffled in his shirt.

"Whatever it is that has you upset," he played with the ends of her hair, his hands brushing across her back.

"It's not anything big. I just, had a bad day and I needed to see you," she admitted.

"I have some homework that I need to do, but we could go somewhere if you need a distraction," Lucas suggested.

"No, you can do your homework. I'll just sit here," Riley suggested, pulling away from him and leaning back into the pillows of his bed. He's only ever had one, but shortly after he'd started dating Riley he'd discovered that they were incredibly important to her. She insisted that she needed to be surrounded by them when she was sleeping, so he'd gone out and bought a few more to see what she was talking about. He still only slept with one, but they'd followed him all the way to Cornell.

He pulled his textbook out and settled back next to her, flicking on the bedside light. It was only then that he realized that she had pulled on the same red Abigail Adams sweatshirt that he'd almost forgotten was stuffed in the back of his closet.

He can't help noticing the tiny holes along the sleeves and the frayed edges of the bottom, but Riley doesn't seem to mind, as she settles into his shoulder and closes her eyes.

"Read to me," she suggests, her voice a whisper.

"It's College Algebra," he informed her, waiting to see if she would change her mind. When she only burrowed further into his neck, he shrugged and started reading. It wasn't long until her breathing evened out and he knew that she was asleep.

He catches the same smell that he's come to identify as tangerine and now knows is the scent of her ridiculously expensive shampoo and conditioner, that had hovered over that same sweatshirt such a long time ago and he hopes that it will stick a little longer this time around.

She takes the sweatshirt home with her and he doesn't see it again for a long time.

* * *

Riley enters her dorm room and immediately opens her closet, pulling clothes off of the hangers in one swoop and tossing them recklessly onto the floor.

"What happened?" her roommate, Noelle, questioned, looking at Riley in surprise, as Riley continues to viciously attack her closet.

"I just ended things with my boyfriend," Riley admitted, pushing open the window and tossing several shirts out of it.

"Why?"

"Because he never notices when girls are flirting with him," Riley replied, returning to the floor to grab another bundle of clothes, "And he's too nice."

"None of those things sound like his fault," Noelle pointed out, as Riley chucked another handful of clothing out the window.

"I told him that the girl in his study group was flirting with him and he _laughed_ at me," Riley spat, pausing in her efforts to catch her breath, "Well, she asked him if he could help her move some furniture around her apartment."

"And he said yes?" Noelle was on the edge of her bed, completely absorbed in Riley's story.

"And she kissed him," Riley added, sinking to the floor as the adrenalin wore off and she finally came to terms with what just happened.

"I'm sorry, Riley," Noelle offered and Riley nodded once, "But it wasn't like he intentionally did it."

"But I asked him not to go," Riley sighed, her hand bunching in a familiar red sweatshirt. Riley slowly got up from the floor and made her way to the window. The sweatshirt seemed to take forever to flutter to the ground and Riley stared at it for a moment before slamming the window closed.

* * *

It's dark when Lucas finally pulls himself together enough to go and talk to Riley. He knows that he's messed up and the guilt is threatening to slowly eat him alive, even after coming clean about what happened.

He's surprised to see a dark figure standing in the front, collecting what looks like clothes off the front lawn.

"Riley?" he asks and the figure slowly turns around. The streetlight is just enough to illuminate her face.

"What are you doing here, Lucas?" Riley questioned, the pile of clothes dropping to her feet.

"You didn't really think I was going to leave things like that."

"I don't know what else there is to say. You completely ignored my feelings about something and you put yourself into a situation that you never should have been in," Riley reminded him.

"I messed up and I'm sorry," he offered, moving closer to her, "But I want to try and work through this."

"We've been together for such a long time that we've just been taking each other for granted lately," Riley explained, refusing to look at him, "I think we need to take some time apart."

"Riley," Lucas protested, struggling to find the right words to say, "I should have listened to you, when you said that you weren't comfortable with me being alone with her, but it's one thing that I did wrong. Is one kiss, really worth throwing away what we have?"

"I need some time, Lucas," Riley repeated, moving towards the house.

He leaned down and picked a red sweatshirt off the ground. It took him a minute to realize that it was his.

* * *

The next time Riley borrows a jacket from Lucas she has to ask. It's the first time she's ever asked him and she can't help missing the way he always used to be so in tune with what she needed.

They're spending the summer at the Minkus's Hamptons home and they'd been sitting out on the back porch watching as the sun goes down. A breeze had just picked up and Riley finds herself shivering. She has a light-weight jacket back in the house, but going inside and getting it seems like a huge inconvenience and Lucas doesn't seem cold at all.

His jacket has been sitting on the back porch for most of the night and, for a minute, she thinks about just picking it up and putting it on. But things have been weird between them since they broke up and she's not sure what the lines are between them, anymore.

"Hey Lucas?" Riley questioned, keeping her voice low enough that the others can't really hear. Zay's telling a joke about something and Maya's whispering something into Josh's ear, from where the two of them are curled up in a beach chair.

"Yeah?" he glanced up, looking at her in surprise.

"Do you mind if I borrow your jacket?" she asked, biting her lip and resisting the urge to squeeze her eyes closed as she waits for his reply.

"Sure," he agreed, reaching over to grab it and tossing it to her.

It's black with silver, fleece lining and it's still far too big for her. She slips her arms through the sleeves and zips up the zipper on the front, discreetly allowing herself to smell it, in hopes that it will smell like him. She's disappointed to find that it smells new and she doubts that he's ever actually worn it.

"Thanks," Riley held it out to him, at the end of the night. Their bedrooms happen to be right across from each other and she's never been so aware of how small the hallway is.

"Yeah," he took it from her, as she turned the doorknob to let herself into her own room.

"Hey, Riley?" he asked and she spun around.

"You never have to ask," he informed her, before entering his own room and closing the door behind himself.

* * *

Lucas has to blink to make sure he's not dreaming, when he opens the door to his bedroom and finds Riley sitting on the edge of his bed. It's almost exactly like when he'd found her in his dorm room, except she's not wearing his jacket and she looks about ready to jump out of her own skin.

"Hey," he greets her, kicking his shoes under the bed and stepping around a box that he'd already taped and labeled for when he was moving out the next week. He was moving in with Zay for the next year and the two of them were excited.

"Hey," she repeats, a ghost of a smile dancing at her mouth.

"Hey," he offered, again, when it was clear that she wasn't going to say anything. He could see her hands shaking in her lap and he sat down beside her, trying to keep a respectable distance. His first instinct will always be to pull her into his arms

"I've spent the last few months without you," Riley began, clutching her shaking hands into fists, "And I realized that I can live without you, I can even be happy."

"Well, good for you," he offered, wondering why she'd come all the way over here to say that. He'd never known Riley to be deliberately cruel.

"But I've missed you every second of every day and I don't want to live another one without you. You're the first person that I want to talk to whenever something happens to me and you're the last person that I want to talk to at night before I go to sleep. I love you, Lucas Friar."

"I love you, too," he admitted, daring to reach out and grab one of her shaking hands.

She turned into him, her free hand reaching up to settle on his face, "So, can we stop being broken up?"

"I'd like that," he laughed, his forehead descending, until it touched hers.

"Well, that's good because I've realized that I don't like any of my own pajamas anymore," she informed him.

"I missed you, too."

* * *

Riley's not sure whether it's Zay or Lucas that keep the apartment as an alarmingly cold temperature, but she has a sneaking suspicion that it directly correlates with Lucas's appreciation for Riley in his clothes.

Today, however, he's taken this idea to new extremes. Her teeth start chattering the minute that she puts the key that Lucas had given her into the door and she swears that she's experiencing the beginning stages of hypothermia by the time that she's crossed the apartment to Lucas's bedroom.

She starts to get suspicious when she discovers that Lucas has already laid out suggested attire on his bed. The red sweatshirt is familiar, but it's also on its last leg and Riley's not sure that it will really do the job in keeping her warm.

It's nostalgia in the end that convinces her to pick the red material off the bed and shrug her shoulders into the sleeves. It fits her better than it did back when she was a teenager and its worn in a way that suggests it is a beloved article of clothing.

She's not even thinking when she reaches into one of the pockets and discovers that there's something in it. She slowly pulls it out and finds the same black box from all of those years ago. She runs her hand over the lid, discovering that it's lined in a thin layer of dust, before she finally pops it open.

She's surprised by the feeling of disappointment that she gets when she discovers that it's empty.

"Are you going through my things?" Lucas's voice startles her and she drops the box to the ground.

"I've been going through your things for years now, Friar, and I'm pretty sure that half of them are mine, now, anyway," she snorted, placing her hands on her hips in defiance.

"I've been thinking," Lucas crossed the room, standing in front of her and grabbing her hands.

"That sounds dangerous."

"I love you, Riles," he continued, as though she hadn't interrupted her, "And if there's one thing in this life that I'm certain about, it's you."

"Me too," Riley echoed, feeling her heart stop, as he slowly dropped down to one knee in front of her.

"I wasn't sure if you were ready, until I saw you open that box. But, I want forever, Riles. I want you and me and all of our clothes in one closet for the rest of our lives. So, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" he reached into his back pocket, pulling out a ring that was simple, stunning, and perfect.

"Yes," Riley breathed, tears running down her cheeks, as Lucas slipped the ring onto her finger.

She held her hand out, watching in awe as the diamond caught the light.

"It's the ring that my Pappy Joe gave to my grandmother. They didn't get nearly as much time together as what they wanted, but they loved each other for every second of the time that they had," Lucas explained, and she collapsed into him, as her emotions caught up with her.

"I love it," Riley promised, losing sight of the ring, as she threw her arms around his neck.

* * *

Lucas and Riley Friar die one day apart from each other. Their funerals are held on the same day and there are plenty of questions about the array of sweatshirts that Lucas Friar is packed away with before the casket it closed.

Riley wore plenty of Lucas's clothes over the years, but she'd been adamant up until the day that she died that she was going to be buried in her Sunday best. So, her kids comply with her wishes.

The last thing Riley wore of Lucas Friar's is a wedding band.

* * *

 **So, this was an experiment on playing with points of view, which also morphed with a challenge from my sister that I couldn't write something romantic without the main protagonists kissing in it. So, I got to thinking about what some of my favorite things in relationships I've been in are and I remembered my high school sweetheart had _the_ softest sweatshirts and he smelled good. Thus, this story was born. **


	3. Hurricane Riley

She may not know what she wants, but she's always known who she is. She doesn't question boundaries, let alone push them. She forces a smile, even when she's ready to crawl into the fetal position, hide under her covers, and pretend that the world around her has ceased to exist. She's Riley Mathews, the synonym for hope and faith and belief.

What she wants has always seemed irrelevant under the weight of all of the things that she's supposed to be.

It takes her the longest time to see what's going on between Maya and Lucas. The glances that last a little too long on Maya's end, the way she pulls him into her face with the collar of his shirt, the way he lets her. It's not until the yearbook that she starts trying to see what everyone else does.

Maya's a passionate person who lives her life on impulse and Lucas is in a constant battle to control his impulses. He wants to be good and Maya wants him to be bad. It's a constant tug that Riley, eventually, decides she's done weighing in on. If there wasn't a part of Lucas that wanted it, too, he would have ended the game a long time, ago.

And that's what all of this is. A series of games, in which, everyone is bound to lose. So, she lets him go when she knows that Maya is ready to accept her feelings for Lucas and adds, "Selfless," to her list of characteristics. She wonders if that list is ever going to get any lighter.

She'd love to claim that Farkle ruined everything with his declaration, but there's a relief to having her feelings out in the open. She's not sure that it will change anything with Lucas, but at least it rips off the band aid that is Charlie Gardner.

She wants to like Charlie. She spends a long time trying to force herself into it, but it's like a shoe that's three sizes too small. She'd have to get rid of her toes to try and make it fit, but they happen to be one of her favorite appendages. And she knows that her world would be completely unbalanced if she ever truly got over Lucas Friar.

So, she lets her life completely spiral out of her control. She steps back, she gives in, she tries to be fair. She keeps being Riley, even though it feels more like a game than any of her actual relationships do, anymore.

And, then, she snaps.

It was a long time coming, but Zay just happened to be the one who lit the fuse.

"Maya is a force of nature," Zay muses on one occasion, as Riley sits pretending she can't hear Farkle and Zay making predictions on what girl Lucas will choose, "She's like a hurricane and everyone wants to experience a relationship like that once in a lifetime."

"But Riley's stable," Farkle disagrees, his eyes moving across the room to where Lucas is doing homework and Maya is scrolling through the feed of a social media site, "And things with Riley are far more likely to last."

"Riley will still be there in ten years when he's ready to settle down," Zay pointed out.

"I don't think girls like Riley sit around waiting for the storm to pass. I think they go inside, close the door, and get out of the rain," Farkle snorted and Zay shrugged, willing to the let the point go.

Unfortunately, Riley wasn't, "That's what you think of me?"

"What?" Zay looked at her in shock at being addressed and both Maya's and Lucas's eyes snapped up to see what had just happened.

"You think that I'm the second choice that someone settles for after they've experienced something exciting?" Riley clarified.

"I don't," Farkle reminded her, in his attempt to exclude himself from her wrath.

"I think Maya's passionate," he repeated.

"And I'm not."

"You're passionate about your friendships, but you don't challenge Lucas the way that Maya does," Zay continued.

Riley's eyes glanced over to where Maya's mouth had dropped open in her shock and everyone jumped at the sound of Lucas's pencil snapping in his hand.

"Come on, Zay. You're seeing these relationships from an outside perspective," Lucas offered, his voice calm, despite the clear tension in his posture.

"So, then, tell us what it looks like from an inside perspective," Zay challenged him, as both Riley and Maya's heads turned to him for an answer.

He paled under the scrutiny and Riley immediately knew he was about to try an evasion or drop the subject altogether.

"Neither of them are a second choice," Lucas, finally, replied.

"But one of us will be, won't we?" Maya pointed out, finally managing to regain her composure.

The silence that descended over them settled in a heavy fog, as they all watched Lucas trying to come up with the right answer; to do the right thing.

Riley snagged her backpack off the floor and slung it over her shoulder as she headed for the door.

"Riles, where are you going?" Maya demanded, her voice sounding lost. And, for a second, Riley realized that Maya was probably just as unsettled by Lucas's answers as what she was, before she forced the compassion back down.

Hurricanes didn't care about the kind of destruction that they left in their wake.

"If you want a storm, I'll give you a storm," Riley replied, letting the door slam behind her.

* * *

"Daddy, I need a history lesson," Riley announced, the front door slamming into the wall, as she whipped it open.

"Didn't we do this already, today?" Corey questioned, from where he was grading papers at the kitchen table.

"Yes, we did, and it didn't help. So, try again," Riley demanded, crossing the room and sinking down beside him.

"Alright, what do you need a lesson on?"

"Feelings and boys and how to be a hurricane," Riley replied, folding her hands and waiting expectantly.

"That sounds more like your mother's thing," Corey pointed out.

"Mom is a force of nature and she thinks that Maya's a force of nature, too. Forces of nature trample over solitary rain clouds, they don't help them to become giant storms," Riley informed him.

"I think your mother would probably make an exception for you. And I don't think you're a solitary rain cloud, you've got lots of other rain clouds surrounding you that love you and like you just the way you are," Corey assured her.

"But it's not enough. I don't want people to remember me as always living in Maya's shadow or as never being as aggressive as Mom is in getting what she wants. I want to be someone worth noticing," Riley confessed, blinking back tears before they could leave her eyes.

"Alright, I don't have a history lesson for you, but how about some science?" Cory suggested, shoving his papers aside, as he gave Riley his full attention.

"I like science," Riley conceded.

"I know. What can you tell me about erosion?"

"It's the process of natural forces breaking something down," Riley replied, leaning on her hand, as she waited for him to continue.

"A hurricane comes through and can completely change a landscape. Erosion happens steadily, over time, and it can do the exact same thing. Just because it's not as flashy, doesn't mean that it's any less effective," Corey finished and Riley bit her lip as she processed his words, "And I think there's something to be said for gently changing a landscape."

"So, you're saying that I should just settle for being a rain cloud?" Riley sighed.

"I'm saying that you're a good person, Riles, and you need to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. Teenagers like flashy things, but, eventually, they'll grow up and realize that what they really want is-."

"Stability," Riley cut him off with a groan, sinking her head down at the table.

"Stability is not a bad thing," Corey offered.

"It is when everyone around you wants drama and turmoil," Riley informed him, "I can't compete with campfires and hurricanes and passion."

"What do you know about passion?" Corey questioned, raising an eyebrow, as he looked at her suspiciously.

"I know that whatever it is, I, apparently, don't have it," Riley replied, getting up from the table and heading for her room.

"I know you're upset, but I find that very reassuring," Corey called after her.

* * *

Her normal course of action, would usually involve a dramatic makeover. She spends some time seriously considering hacking off most of her hair in an effort to make a statement and reverting back to her all-black attire, but she's tried changing her clothes, hair and makeup and, at the end of the day, when she takes all of it off, she's still Riley.

If she wants to be a hurricane, it's going to have to be something entirely different than anything that she's tried before.

"Hey," Maya greets her, hesitantly, the next morning.

Riley's organizing her books in her locker for the day and hadn't even been aware of Maya approaching.

"Good morning," Riley offered, flashing her a smile, before picking her bag up off the floor.

"You seem…..normal," Maya commented, scanning over Riley's clothes.

"That's because I'm eroding," Riley informed her.

"You know fancy words make my head hurt," Maya reminded her.

"You and Lucas have a volatile and passionate relationship, which I don't understand, but which everyone tells me is something important. So, I've decided I'm going to go out and find my own," Riley clarified, leading Maya down the hallway.

"You're done with Lucas?" Maya grabbed Riley's arm, forcing both of them to stop.

"No, but if he can have two girlfriends, I don't see why I can't go out and find another relationship to compare the relationship that I have with him to, it's only fair," Riley replied, before turning and continuing down the hallway.

"I thought that's what you were doing with Charlie," Maya offered, hurrying to catch up.

"My dad asked me last night what I know about passion and I realized that all of the passion that I experience is second hand. I'm passionate about my friends and about them being able to do the things that they're passionate about. But, I don't have anything of my own. I don't have fire, Maya, so I'm going to go and build one."

"What you're saying is making sense, but I still have a feeling that this is a very bad idea," Maya informed her.

"That's the point, Maya," Riley smiled.

"Good morning," Farkle greeted them, approaching with Zay and Lucas by his side.

"Zay has something that he wants to say to you," Lucas informed her, nudging Zay with his elbow.

"I'm sorry for what I said about Maya and you. The both of you are amazing and any guy would be lucky to have you and you definitely deserve to be someone's first pick," Zay listed, looking to Lucas for a confirmation that he'd covered everything.

"Well, I, for one, think that apology covered everything, nicely. Clearly, we should just keep things exactly as they are and go on with our lives," Maya suggested.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Zay," Riley ignored Maya, "You were right."

"I was?" a more aggressive nudge from Lucas had him quickly tacking on more to the sentence, "Not right. I was very, very wrong."

"So, you think a relationship with me would be more exciting than a relationship with Maya would be?"

"Absolutely," Maya and Lucas shot Zay a glare and he groaned, "I mean, I would have to be in a relationship with you to know. But, I'm an outsider in this situation and I have nothing more to say about it."

"No, I think you're on to something," Riley informed him.

"Riley," Maya tried to stop her.

"What? He's Lucas's best friend, you're my best friend. Clearly, we enjoy challenging each other," Riley pointed out, as the boys looked at them in confusion.

"An eye for an eye, makes everyone blind," Maya returned.

"This isn't about revenge," Riley argued.

"You and Zay barely talk, how would a relationship between the two of you go?" Maya pressed, as she tried to get Riley to see reason.

"I'm sorry, but, what?" Zay attempted to cut in.

"I imagine that I'd probably poor a smoothie on his head and then, maybe, we could go _almost_ kiss by a campfire," Riley returned, folding her arms across her chest and daring Maya to contradict her.

"There are no campfires in New York City," she held her hands up in exasperation.

"That's why I'm building one."

"I am so confused," Zay admitted, his head bouncing between the two of them.

"I think the two of you need to explain what's going on," Farkle offered, though Riley could tell from the frustrated look on his face that he was already piecing things together.

"Riley's decided that she needs to go out and find a fire-filled relationship for herself," Maya informed them.

"So, you're giving up on us?" Lucas's voice came out deep and a shiver ran down Riley's back, as she caught the dark look in his eye.

"Clearly, what we have isn't enough for you, or is it _too much_?" Riley replied, her frustration from earlier fueling her response.

"You're the one that told me that I was your brother," Lucas reminded her.

"And you're the one who's been flirting with Maya from the moment that we met."

"That's not true," Lucas denied.

"It's not?" Maya spoke up and Riley and Lucas both turned in surprise to see their friends still standing there watching them.

"You like when Maya pulls on your collar and gets in your face and you like when she challenges you. You can't have both of us, Lucas, and I'm done trying to compete with a hurricane. I'm going to class," Riley announced, turning her back on them and heading into her first period classroom.

It's as she's sitting in class that she realizes that after the storm, you were left with nothing, but destruction. And it might be because of who she is, but that's the one thing that she doesn't want.

* * *

"So, let me see if I can get this straight," Farkle started, as they hid in the back of the library at lunch. She'd been hoping that she'd get some time by herself, but Farkle had known exactly where to find her, "You and Maya can't outwardly fight over Lucas because of your friendship, so you're fighting over Zay."

"I don't know what we're fighting over, anymore," Riley admitted, leaning her head back against the bookshelf, "I love Maya, but things have just gotten so messed up. I spend all day, every day trying to act the way that I'm supposed to act, but I'm tired, Farkle."

"And you really think that jumping into another relationship, is going to make all of this better?"

"You know, I don't think I was ever going to really do it?" Riley admitted, staring intently at her knees, "I think I was just looking for a way out."

"You think Lucas is going to just let things go after your fight?" Farkle questioned, his voice filled with skepticism.

"He likes the game that he plays with Maya," Riley sighed.

"He might like the game, but does he have romantic feelings for Maya, herself? Or does he just like the rush of getting caught up in the moment?" Farkle pointed out.

"I'm not someone who plays games in a relationship," Riley reminded him, "At least, not until this morning."

"And Lucas has never played games with you. What the two of you have is there, there's no denying it or pretending that it isn't there. I don't know what he feels for Maya, but I wouldn't throw in the towel, yet," Farkle advised, getting up from the floor, "I'm going to lunch."

"I think I'm going to stay here for a while," Riley returned, watching as he disappeared around the corner and out of her line of sight.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Peaches," Riley apologized, stopping next to Maya's open locker.

"For what?" Maya returned.

"For this morning. You were right, it was a bad idea," Riley continued.

"I don't want to be a hurricane, you know?" Maya admitted, closing the locker and turning to face Riley, "I did my fair share of destructive things in middle school, but that's not who I want to be, anymore. I'm trying to be more like you."

"Why would you want to be like me, when you could be you?" Riley questioned.

"Because you're Riley. And beyond being hopeful and optimistic, you're smart and you care about everything and everyone. The world is a brighter place for having you in it and I want to leave more than a trail of destruction behind me."

"And I want people to notice me the way that they notice you. I can't deny that Mayaville might be a funner place to live," Riley confessed.

"So, what do we do?" Maya asked, looking to Riley for an answer.

"Maybe, we keep seeing the best in each other and instead of being jealous of it, we remind each other that those are the things we hope we never lose," Riley suggested, reaching out to pull Maya into her side.

"I think that's a good idea," Maya agreed, resting her head on Riley's shoulder.

"And we need to be careful that we don't lose ourselves in trying to be each other," Riley added.

"Agreed," Maya grabbed her backpack off the ground and slung it towards one shoulder, "I need to go pick up my project from the art room, but, then, do you want to go hang out at your place?"

"Sure, I'll wait for you by the front doors," Riley suggested.

"See you in a minute," Maya took off down the hall and Riley started in the other direction.

She'd only made it a couple of feet when a hand reached out and pulled her into a janitor's closet.

"Lucas?" she asked, when her eyes adjusted to the faded light.

Her back was against a white-bricked wall and she could see the blazing look in his eyes that was usually reserved for when he was fighting with someone.

"What are you doing?" she pressed, her voice coming out breathy, as she struggled to get air into her lungs. She wanted to put some space between them, but he seemed to see the intent in her eyes and his arms immediately moved to the wall to block her in.

"Why is it that when it comes to us, you'll listen to what everyone else thinks, except for me?" he questioned, his breath brushing against her face, as she stared at him with wide eyes.

"Because they're right. Anyone who's ever seen you with Maya knows that," Riley returned.

"I wasn't flirting with her, Riley. I didn't even realize that what we were doing could be seen that way until after Texas. And if that's what you thought, you should have told me," he insisted, his voice gentle, despite the way he was looking at her.

"I should have done a lot of things, Lucas. But, I thought I was making things easier by stepping aside and I knew that you would both deny it if I ever brought it up. But, look where we are now. We wouldn't be here if you didn't have feelings for her," Riley argued.

"We wouldn't be here if you'd just talked to me. That was something that we were pretty good at, remember?"

"Is that what you want? Someone to talk to. Or would you rather have someone who's exciting; who pushes you and _challenges_ you?" Riley returned, searching his face for answers.

"You do challenge me, Riley. You challenge me to be as good of a person as what you see me as, you challenge me to face my fears, and being with you has certainly been a challenge," he replied, his lips pulling up into a fond smile, "And have you ever considered that when Zay goes off on these tangents about Maya, that it's not my feelings he's talking about?"

"You think Zay has feelings for Maya?" Riley questioned, trying to imagine them together in her head, "And you're okay with that?"

"When he's not giving you reasons to doubt what I feel for you and making you think, in a roundabout way, that he's the kind of guy that you should be with, then, yeah, it doesn't really keep me up at night," Lucas admitted.

"Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out," Riley offered, trying to duck under his arm, but finding herself, just pulled closer to him, as his arms used the extra space to wrap around her.

"We're not done, yet," Lucas informed her, his forehead resting against hers.

"We're not?"

"You said that you were looking for a relationship filled with fire," he reminded her and she could feel his heart pounding against the fingers that were trapped against his chest.

"I changed my mind," she admitted, thinking that at least if she passed out, his arms were already around her to catch her.

"The thing that I've realized about fire, is that it's there for a minute and then it's gone. And, maybe, it's important in a relationship, but I think what you have when it's not there is just as important."

"That's an interesting insight," Riley offered, her mind racing with what he was planning in their current situation and how he'd feel when he was evening it up with Maya later. There had to be varying levels of heat of what you felt with a given person in a given moment and she can't help wondering how this compares to what he and Maya feel with each other.

"Riley?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

"Yes," her voice came out as a squeak.

"The secret to this, is that you have to stop thinking," he informed her, before his hands came up to grab her face.

Her eyes slowly trace over his face, starting at his lips and slowly making their way up to his eyes. She knows that they're the one thing that can't lie and whatever he feels with Maya, she can't doubt the feelings that she sees reflected back at her.

She knows that he's waiting for something and that if she tries to push him away, now, he'll let her go.

So, she knows that it's all her, that's suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck, twining her fingers in her hair and closing the remaining distance between them.

His lips crash into hers and she suddenly finds her back pressed against the wall, as they try to crush any remaining distance between the two of them. His hands move from her face, down her neck, and finally trace an electric pattern from where her short-sleeves end to her wrists, before wrapping around her waist to pull her closer.

She's not aware of time or Maya or who she's supposed to be, she's not even sure where Lucas ends and where she begins.

He's the one to pull back, his breath hitting her ear and ruffling her hair, as they both pant.

"Lucas?" she whispers into his shirt, as their breathing begins to return to normal.

"Yeah?"

"Texas—" he cuts her off before she can continue.

"Was a fire," he offers, "This was a volcanic eruption."

"I don't know how I'm going to even this up with Zay," she joked, enjoying the way his arms immediately tensed around her.

"I think we're both done with trying to even things up," Lucas suggested, before his lips descended to hers, again.

* * *

 **This is not my most polished piece of work, so please excuse any mistakes and any inconsistencies. Originally, I was going to build this into a multi-chapter fic that discussed Riley trying to find her own thing in high school that's separate from her friends and from Maya, but I just don't have the time, now. So, I merged parts of that and some of my ideas for another piece of writing that I would like to do someday (I'm torn between two titles, "When She Was Bad," and, "Affairs of State.") and taking a different approach to how Riley could have handled the love triangle and her first year of high school.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and I would love it if you would leave me a review!**


	4. The Rain in Spain

**This takes place shortly after the events in** ** _Girl Meets Permanent Record._**

 **One note: Technically, baseball is a spring sport and I have no idea why their high school was holding tryouts in the fall. I feel like it would be more likely that they would be holding tryouts for basketball or wrestling, but the writers said baseball, so that's what I've gone with and yes, it did kill me to do, so.**

* * *

She was the kind of girl who went to bed early. She needed, at least, eight hours of sleep to function. However, she was quickly finding that there really weren't enough hours in the day, which meant she had to borrow from the night.

She'd known that high school wasn't going to be easy, but she wasn't ready for her failures to start stacking up right out of the gate. Already, she'd had a major fight with her friends, lost half her boyfriend to her best friend (though really, she'd been the one to gain half of him and it had been Maya that had lost half) and, now, her grades were slipping.

Her first Spanish test had come back a _D_ , her very first _D_ and something she'd worn in shame for days afterward. Now, it was tacked to the back of her bedroom door, so that she could remember that feeling that she never wanted to have, again.

She'd never doubted that her future would be bright, but, suddenly, she was starting to watch it dim. She had to step up her game or the light would fade out altogether. So, she was pressing herself harder and if she happened to break, she'd just have to shove the pieces together and keep going.

* * *

"Well?" Topanga questioned, as Riley entered through the front door, by herself, for once. Maya had her first meeting for art club and it left Riley with one afternoon a week, in which, she didn't have the blonde to walk home with.

"It's better," Riley admitted, digging her paper out of her backpack and handing it over to her mother.

"It's not a _D_ ," her mother agreed, as she took in the _C+_ that was Riley's latest achievement.

"But it's not an _A_ , either," Riley sighed, taking the paper back from her.

"Well, you're showing progress and next week, maybe we'll see a _B,_ and then the week after, maybe, you'll finally get that _A_ ," Topanga assured her and Riley nodded once. She'd spent her entire life hearing her mother brag about her perfect grades and, despite, her outward attempts to encourage Riley, the brunette can't help thinking that her mother has to be, at least, a little disappointed in her daughter's slowly moving progress.

"I'm going to go work on some homework," Riley informed her, moving passed her mother in the direction of the stairs.

"Okay, I'll let you know when dinner is ready," Topanga offered, as Riley started up the first step.

She couldn't help feeling discouraged after receiving this week's grade. It wasn't as if she wasn't killing herself studying and trying to juggle a schedule filled with honors and AP classes, but she just kept coming up short.

She kicked off her shoes at the foot of her bed and laid her backpack down, crossing to look out of her window. It wasn't all that long ago when she'd dragged people there to try and fix _their_ problems, but, now, she felt like she spent all of her time trying to figure out a way to fix her own.

"Hey," a voice greeted her, as they knocked on the door to her room.

"Uncle Josh," Riley greeted him in surprise, flipping around in her seat to see him, "I didn't know you were coming over."

"I'm borrowing your washing machine. The ones in the dorms have lines going all the way out of the laundry room and I'm on my last pair of underwear," he informed her, crossing the room and sinking down into the seat beside her.

"I didn't need to know that," Riley informed him, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, in spite of herself.

"You want to talk about it?" he questioned, his voice taking on a tone of sincerity.

"Talk about what?"

"You just started high school a couple of weeks ago, and you look like someone just told you the sun isn't coming out tomorrow," Josh explained, as Riley played with the edge of her skirt.

"I'm struggling in my classes," Riley admitted, "And, as hard as I try, I just can't seem to juggle everything."

"I felt like that, too, when I started high school," Josh admitted, "But I got a couple of months in and things weren't so new anymore and I got a handle on it. Then, I started college and it was like the first few weeks of high school all over again, only worse."

"Well, that makes me feel better," Riley snorted, folding her arms across her chest.

"You want me to let you in on a secret?" he asked, leaning forward.

"Yes," Riley admitted.

"I'll deny this to my dying day, but it was my mom who helped me get organized and it made all the difference," Josh offered.

"I don't know if you've met me, Uncle Josh, but I'm pretty organized. I have color-coded binders and separate dividers for all of my classes," Riley groaned, disappointed at his lack of a helpful solution.

"I'm not talking about organizing your supplies, I'm talking about organizing your time. She got me a planner and we arranged everything out every week. I had a set time to study each subject and we worked it around my lacrosse schedule. When I was able to look through the things that I was doing with my time and figure out what needed to be a priority and what didn't, I was a lot less overwhelmed with everything."

"I guess I could try that," Riley agreed, though she was pretty sure that arranging her time wasn't a problem, either.

"I'm not being helpful, at all, am I?" he seemed to read her thoughts, sighing as he leaned back against the pillows of the window seat.

"You get points for trying," Riley assured him.

"Look, I know it's weird because we're close enough in age that we're more like cousins, but I'm really your uncle-."

"And my best friend had a crush on you," Riley cut him off, watching him squirm in discomfort over her derailing of the conversation.

"But," he continued, as though she hadn't interrupted, "I do want to help you out. So, if you need help with a subject or anything, let me know."

"You mean that?" Riley questioned, knowing that he could offer plenty of insight into her classes because he had already taken them himself.

"Yeah, I do. I moved here to be close to our family and I really want to take advantage of that," Josh assured her, squeezing her shoulder as he got up to leave.

"Thanks," Riley smiled at him, feeling slightly better after their conversation.

"Anytime," he agreed, heading towards her doorway.

"Hey, Uncle Josh?" Riley called, before he could turn the corner.

"Yes?" he spun around.

"The sun is going to come out tomorrow, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Riles; it'll be there," he promised her, giving her a smile before he disappeared from her view.

* * *

Riley brought her textbook into the bleachers and sank down in the back, as she waited for Maya to meet her. It had been Zay, who had made a casual comment about how the girlfriends were supposed to show up and watch some of the baseball practices, which had led to a discussion about math and triangles and, finally, Maya and Riley had both decided that they'd come together to watch Lucas practice.

She wrapped her arms around herself, as a gust of wind created goosebumps that ran all the way down her bare arms. She rubbed her arms to generate friction, before opening her textbook to the pages she was supposed to be reading and settling it into her lap.

"I'm pretty sure this doesn't constitute as watching," Zay called up to her, as he dropped his bag onto one of the bottom seats. Most of the rest of the team, was already warming up, including Lucas, and Zay was the only other person she'd seen sitting in the stands. She can't help wondering if she'd been set up for something.

"I have homework," Riley informed him.

"Which is more interesting, then watching all of us display our manly attributes in this manly sport?" Zay questioned, gesturing towards the field.

"I don't think my reading quiz is going to be on how far you manage to hit the ball," Riley pointed out.

"Well color me hurt," he joked, snagging a fleece jacket out of his bag and tossing it up to her, "I see where your priorities are."

"Thanks," she shrugged her arms into his jacket and he nodded, before making his way out to join the others on the field.

"What did I miss?" Maya questioned, sometime later, as she joined Riley at the top of the bleachers.

"The kid in the middle is throwing the white ball at the kids holding the bats, until one of them hits it," Riley replied, not looking up from her book.

"Then why are they all laying down on the ground?" Maya asked and Riley glanced up. Sure enough, they'd moved on to doing sit ups.

"What took you so long?" Riley changed the subject, not overly interested in what was going on with the boys on the field.

"Huh?" Maya questioned, and Riley realized that she'd been staring intently at the boys and completely missed what she had said.

"Nothing," Riley let it go, flipping the page of her book.

"Thanks for coming," Lucas offered, when practice had ended, and they were gathering up their belongings to leave.

"No problem, I enjoyed the view," Maya offered, as Riley trailed down the steps behind her.

She couldn't see Maya's face, but she could already imagine the carless smirk that was probably on it that was causing the tint of a blush to appear on Lucas's face.

"Thanks for lending me your jacket," Riley handed the mentioned item over to Zay and he shoved it back into his gym bag.

"Well, you guys want to go get smoothies?" Lucas suggested, as they headed off the field.

"Sure," Maya agreed, "I'm supposed to be meeting my mother, anyway."

"I'm game," Zay answered and the three of them turned to look at Riley.

"I can't," Riley replied, unsure that she could stomach spending the rest of the afternoon watching Maya and Lucas flirt.

"Why not?" Lucas pressed, looking over at her in surprise.

"You already finished most of your homework in the stands," Maya added, before she could use that as an excuse.

"I have a family thing," Riley offered, relieved that she was pulling from a partial truth.

"What kind of a family thing?" Maya pressed, looking at Riley suspiciously.

"A laundry family thing," Riley replied, speeding up, in an effort to cut herself out of the conversation.

"I don't think that's a real thing," Zay stage-whispered to Lucas and Maya.

"It is totally real," Riley called over her shoulder, as they started down the steps of the subway.

"Then explain it to us," Maya suggested, hooking arms with Riley, so that Riley was forced to fall back into step with them.

"My family does our laundry together. It's very important bonding time and I can't miss it," Riley explained, trying to keep things vague enough that Maya wouldn't have any desire to follow Riley home. She already had to share Lucas with her, was it really so bad that she wanted to keep her uncle's weekly visits to herself?

"You've never mentioned this before," Maya pointed out.

"That's because it's new," Riley replied, sinking down into an empty seat and crossing her legs. Maya took the seat next to her and Lucas looked between the two empty seats on either side of the girls and groaned before he grabbed ahold of the rail that would allow him to stand in front of both of them.

"Your family just decided to start bonding with each other, by doing laundry?" Zay asked, skeptically.

"Exactly," Riley smiled at him, as Lucas looked at her in confusion.

"Alright, well I guess, have fun with that," Zay offered, content to let the subject drop.

They parted ways at the appropriate stops and Riley finally felt like she could breathe again, as she headed in the direction of her house.

* * *

"I'm home," Riley announced, letting herself in through the front door.

"Well, you're the only one," Josh offered, from where he was sprawled out on the couch, "Auggie ditched me to be with his girlfriend, your mom's still at work, and your dad had a meeting."

"But I'm sure our washer and dryer were thrilled to see you," Riley offered, setting her bag down on the table and heading to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

"They're hard to read," Josh admitted, moving over, so that Riley could take the seat next to him, "How was school?"

"Apparently, it's a girlfriend's duty to attend the baseball practices of her boyfriend," Riley informed him, twisting off the lid and taking a drink.

"I think I did hear that somewhere, aren't you supposed to wear his jersey, too?"

"I don't think they wear jerseys in baseball and if they did Maya and I would have to split it in half," Riley replied, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table.

"I'm pretty sure I'm missing something here," Josh said, taking the water bottle out of her hands and taking a sip.

"I forget that you haven't been around since this whole love triangle started," Riley admitted, twisting the cap around in her hands.

"Love triangle? That sounds melodramatic," Josh offered, though Riley could tell that he was more interested then he was letting on, "The cowboy likes you and Maya?"

"Supposedly," Riley replied, fixating on her knees.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Josh pressed, taking another drink from the bottle.

"At the moment, nothing. We don't want to ruin our friendship, so we're trying to keep things even until we can come up with the right solution," Riley admitted, unable to force any feeling into her voice.

"Hence the torn in half jersey?" Josh clarified, his voice filled with sympathy.

"Hence the torn in half everything," Riley clarified, taking the water bottle out of his hands and drinking the last of the water in the bottle.

"You want me to beat him up for you?" Josh suggested and a smile pulled at Riley's face.

"No, but thanks for offering."

"How are your classes going?" Josh changed the subject.

"Not nearly as much improvement as I was hoping for," Riley admitted, leaning her head back and staring up at the ceiling.

"You want to know what's been working for me lately?" Josh asked, reaching down to the backpack that he had set at the foot of the couch.

"What?"

"Flashcards," he replied, holding out a stack of blank index cards.

* * *

Riley walked down the hallway, flipping through the flashcards that she held in her hand and occasionally glancing up to ensure that she wasn't about to run into someone or fall down any stairs. She knew that she wasn't the most coordinated person without any distractions and this was really tempting fate, but she was trying to utilize her time.

"Hey," Lucas grabbed her arms, before she could run straight into him.

"Lucas," Riley offered, flipping a card over to check and see if she had the correct answer.

"You seem…. distracted," he didn't release her arms and Riley, finally, looked up to meet his gaze.

"I have a Spanish test, today," she revealed, trying not to let her nerves show.

"Oh, are you worried about it?" Lucas questioned, his eyes searching her face, as Riley looked at him in confusion.

"No, not really. I actually think that I have it this time," Riley admitted, tucking the flashcards into the back pocket of her jeans and forcing Lucas to drop his hands.

"You know who does well in Spanish class?" Lucas asked.

"Maya," Riley suggested, wondering what had brought on this weird conversation. They hadn't really said much to each other lately and she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was off with him.

"Zay," Lucas corrected.

"I didn't know that," Riley admitted, glancing around the hallway to see if any of their other friends were in sight.

"He left early, yesterday," Lucas informed her, his eyes still fixated on her face.

"Oh," she offered, a pit settling into her stomach at the thought of Lucas and Maya being there alone together.

"Oh," Lucas repeated, something darkening in his eyes.

"What's going on?" Zay questioned, looking between the two of them, as Maya and Zay came to a stop by where they had been talking.

"Lucas was just telling me how good you are at Spanish," Riley offered, relieved to get away from the intensity of Lucas's gaze.

"But I'm taking French," he informed them.

"I'll bet you are," Lucas snapped, before he turned around and left the three of them staring after him in the middle of the hallway.

"What was that about?" Zay asked, his face contorted with confusion.

"I don't know," Riley admitted, unable to tear her eyes away from the corner that Lucas had just disappeared around.

Her bag, suddenly, felt heavier and she couldn't help glancing back to see if Lucas was going to make a reappearance. Everything had been weird lately and they all had been on edge, but she'd hoped that the outbursts were behind them.

"Whatever's upsetting Lucas, he'll get over it. Don't let his weird moods ruin your day, okay?"

"Thanks," Riley offered, squeezing his hand, as she walked in the direction of her class.

* * *

Lucas is already seated at their usual table; when she makes her way into the lunchroom and sinks down across from him. He's pushing the mashed potatoes around on his plate, letting the gravy flow out and saturate his roll.

"Have I done something to upset you?" Riley asked, pulling the lunch that she'd packed that morning out of her bag.

"I don't know, have you?" he turned his gaze onto her and she could see the barely contained anger that reflected back at her from his eyes.

"If I did something, you're going to have to tell me. But, whatever it is, I'm sorry," she offered, automatically leaning back.

"Are you coming to watch our practice after school today?" Some of the anger drained from his eyes, though a weariness remained.

Riley glanced up, as Maya set her lunch down and took a seat at the table. Zay was right behind her and he shared a look with Lucas, before rounding the table and take the spot across from the blonde.

"I don't know. Maya, are we going to Lucas's practice after school today?" Riley continued on, as if nothing had happened.

"I can't. Art club is helping paint banners for homecoming," Maya revealed, unfolding her napkin.

"Well, I guess that settles that."

"I don't think it does," Lucas disagreed, throwing down his fork, "Are _you_ doing something after school today, Riley?"

"My homework," she offered, knowing that Lucas was just waiting for the right words to set him off.

"Which you did in the bleachers, yesterday," he reminded her.

"Technically, I got the time with Lucas when we went for smoothies. So, if you want to go watch Lucas practice, we can call it even," Maya added.

"Do you want me to come and watch you?" Riley turned her attention back to Lucas, feeling something twist inside of her chest. She's not sure that it's the same thing watching Lucas in the bleachers, verses flirting with him, in a booth, while eating a cold semi-solid, but she'd like to keep the tenuous peace that they've been managing to hold.

"Yeah, I would," Lucas sighed, the intensity of his gaze trying to tell her something that his words aren't.

"Then, I'll be there," Riley agreed; shoving her uneaten lunch back into her bag and standing up.

"Where are you going?" Maya's head snapped up in surprise.

"I'm going to go get some studying done in the library. I'll talk to you later," Riley squeezed Maya's shoulder and gave Lucas a half-smile, before darting out the door.

* * *

She finds Lucas waiting outside of her last class of the day; his gym bag slung over one shoulder and a jacket hanging off of one arm.

"Hey," he greeted her; falling into step beside her, as she walked towards her locker.

"I thought I was meeting you at your practice," she turned a corner and started looking at the numbers to determine which one was hers.

"I've decided to skip it," Lucas informed her and she abruptly stopped. He made it another two steps before he realized that he'd lost her and turned around to face her.

"You can't just skip your baseball practice. What will your coaches say?" Riley pointed out.

"I guess, I'll find out next practice," he offered and she folded her arms across her chest.

"What is going on with you, today?" Riley demanded, taking a step towards him and trying to ignore the people that were moving passed them.

"What's going on with me? You're the one who's been wearing Zay jacket, holding his hand in the halls, and refusing to spend time with me," Lucas's hands bunched into fists and she felt her mouth drop open in shock.

"He offered me his jacket because I was cold, I don't think I've ever held his hand in the halls, and I told you why I couldn't go for smoothies, yesterday," she refuted his claims.

"I know, Zay explained everything to me, but can you see how I got the wrong idea? You and I have been on completely different pages, for a long time, now, and I hate it."

"I hate it, too, but there's not a lot we can do about, right now," Riley reminded him, her arms wrapping around herself.

"I still get this afternoon, right?" he pressed. And, she's surprised by the abrupt shift in conversation.

"What?"

"We agreed at lunch that since Maya got the time, yesterday; I get you this afternoon," he reminded her and she can't help wondering when her life started resembling a time-share condo's.

"When I was going to be sitting in the stands watching you," Riley pointed out, "You just told me that you're not going to practice."

"Because I'm spending the afternoon with you," he informed her, wrapping an arm around her to guide her the rest of the way to her locker.

"I have a lot of studying to do," she sighed; putting in her combination and pulling the door open.

"Come on, Riley. Just a couple of hours?" he pressed, his eyes taking on that tint that she'd never been good at saying no to.

* * *

He doesn't take her to _Topanga's_ , like she's expecting, but, instead, leads her through the familiar doors of the public library and to a table in the back corner. She finds it comforting how little this one place has changed, when everything else in her life no longer resembles anything, familiar.

"You said you wanted to work on your homework," he reminded her, pulling out a chair and gesturing for her to sit down, "Now, we can do it together."

"Okay," she agreed, taking her seat and wishing that her heart didn't skip a beat, when he chose to sit down right next to her.

She, at least, has the comfort of knowing that he's not doing the exact same thing he'd done with Maya the day before, but there's a part of her that worries about what he must be evening up; if he's skipped his practice and is taking her back to a place of their shared history.

"How did your Spanish test go?" Lucas questioned, pulling out a textbook and spiralbound notebook from his bag.

"I don't know. I was a little distracted," she reminded him, making no move to do the same.

"I'm sorry for the way that I blew up at you this morning. I'm just having a hard time trying to keep all of my feelings in check," Lucas confessed, his nails drumming out a beat against the table, as he refused to look at her.

"What feelings would those be?" Riley can't help herself from asking.

"Frustration, mostly, for the situation that we're in. I feel like there's no way that I can keep both Maya and you happy and I really don't want to hurt either of you. But, that doesn't mean that you're not hurting," his eyes darted up to hers and she wished that she could reach out and take his hand, "That _all_ of us aren't hurting."

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, yet. I wish I did. I wish we could come up with the right solution for how to deal with things or any other way to deal with things because this way really isn't working," Lucas groaned; his tapping increasing with his agitation, "But, for now, this is what we've got, right?"

"Yeah," she stared down at the table; her eyes tracing the pattern of the wood, "We'll still be friends, won't we? We'll still be able to sit down and talk like this? Whatever way all of this ends."

"I hope so," he reached out, one of his hands landing on hers, "I don't want a life without you in it."

"Yeah, me either," she agreed; spreading out her fingers, so that his could settle into the space. On some level it feels wrong, but it barely counts as handholding and when she thinks of the blush on Lucas's face from Maya's words the day before, she can't help thinking that maybe taking _this_ is somewhat justified.

"Can I ask you something?" he changed the subject and she nodded once, "Were you really going home to do your laundry, yesterday?"

"I was meeting Josh," Riley admitted, "He's been tutoring me."

"You're really stressed out about all of this school stuff, aren't you?"

"I can't fail," Riley sighed, "I don't want to be loser."

"You're not a loser, Riley and I never should have called you one," Lucas argued, "And you're not a failure. I've seen how hard you've been working and there's no way that your hard work won't pay off."

"I hope it does," Riley offered, her eyes falling to their clasped hands.

"I hope you're still able to hope for other things, too," his words are casual, but his thumb stroking along the side of her hand gives her no doubts about what he's implying.

"Always," she promises him and a smile spreads across his face.

* * *

Her heart feels like it just might beat out of her chest, as she unlocks the door and lets herself into her home.

"Well?" Josh questions, from where he's sprawled out on her couch.

"I don't know. I couldn't look at it," Riley admitted, setting her bag onto the coffee table and pulling out the results of her test. She closes her eyes tightly and takes several deep breaths, before turning the paper over in her hands.

"It's an _A_ ," Riley offers in shock, collapsing into the seat next to him.

"Good job, Riles. I'm proud of you," Josh offers, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his side.

She takes several steadying breaths and blinks away the tears that have suddenly filled her eyes, overwhelmed by the idea that things are actually improving.

"Thank you. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Hey, I just provided some studying methods. The learning is all on you," Josh disagreed.

"Well, I appreciate all of your help, anyway," Riley offered, setting the paper into her lap, "I'm glad that you're here."

"Yeah, I am, too," he agreed, bumping his knee against hers.

* * *

It isn't until she's tucked in that night, that her phone lights up with a text. She unlocks it and isn't entirely surprised to find that it's from Lucas:

 _You're a lot more than a grade, Riley. Don't ever forget that._

For the first time, in a long time, she gets eight full hours of sleep.

* * *

 **This has been sitting on my computer forever and I've decided that it was time to finish up the last chunk of it and get it posted. I, originally, was looking to do a longer story following Riley and Josh's friendship growing through him helping her out, but my ideas kind of fizzled out, so this is my attempt at making it a coherent one-shot. I started it before I had seen _Girl Meets Bear_ , which is why it doesn't entirely fit into canon with Josh hanging out at the apartment at this time. But, hopefully, you'll forgive me.**

 **Thanks for reading and I would love it if you would let me know what you think!**


	5. The Middle

Every good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning has always been Riley's favorite part. The beginning is when things are new and exciting; the beginning is when no one can imagine the difficult things that wait just a couple of pages in.

Riley only reads happy endings, to the point where she occasionally skips to the end just to make sure that everything is going to work out. If it doesn't work out, then it's probably not worth the emotional investment of reading through the entire story. She likes hope and happiness, she likes couples that fall in love and stay in love. She's aware that there are other kinds of endings out there, but she refuses to believe in them.

If Riley could choose, there would be no middle, there would only be, "Once Upon a Times," and, "Happily Ever After's."

So, she's not entirely sure how her own story came so far from what she'd always thought it would be.

Riley glanced around the house littered with laundry and an amazing array of toys. She'd just tripped over a train, that was now singing a children's song that made her consider removing the batteries, just so she would never be subjected to it again.

She'd had romantic notions when she decided to resign from her job and stay at home to raise her children. She'd had visions of doing crafts at the kitchen table (She would paint purple cats, while her well-groomed and more artistically inclined offspring would paint beautiful pictures of summer days and farm animals) and baking cookies (They would all have matching aprons and the cookies would always come out the perfect golden color, with the perfect ratio of chocolate chips to cookie).

The romance had died.

The symptoms had started with spit up, a lack of time to shower, and a remarkable number of stained clothes. Then, progressed into silverware and pans strewn across the kitchen floor, as her children had learned to crawl, pull themselves up to things, and finally walk. She'd stopped being able to go to the bathroom by herself and there were constantly tiny hands reaching out to her from under doors. She'd tried locking herself in a closet once with a package of premade cookies (Because there wasn't time to actually bake in reality) and it had taken them a grand total of three minutes to find her.

She was willing to admit to leaving one of her children at a grocery store once. They had been fine and would probably make it into adulthood without knowledge of the trauma, but that had been the point when she had started to realize that her perfect motherhood dreams were dying. She was not, in fact, perfect and the green handprint that she could now see from her vantage point, strongly suggested that her children weren't either.

However, it took her to that moment, after tripping over the toy train, to call a time of death. She had no idea what she was doing. The last time she had given the kids paint, they'd eaten it, and the last time she had eaten a cookie that was baked in an oven, had been at her grandparent's house. Her visions of the noble calling of motherhood were gone and she would settle for five minutes of time to cry in the bathroom or wash the baby food out of her hair.

"Mommy?" a hesitant, tiny voice asked, moving into view just above her head.

"Yes?" Riley replied, closing her eyes and bracing herself for what was to come next.

"Mattie and I were making a magic potion and we spilled it all over the floor," her daughter informed her and Riley let out an audible and completely heartfelt groan.

"Great," she sighed, pushing into a sitting position. Riley had never been a sarcastic person, but motherhood had changed her.

Riley reluctantly got to her feet and made her way down the hall, following the smell that strongly suggested her favorite perfume had been one of the, "Magic," ingredients. It had been a gift from her husband for their first anniversary and any other day it would have been cause for a meltdown, but Riley didn't have the energy. She'd hit her breaking point and was ready to put both of her children to bed before locking herself in her room and calling her best friend to vent and make plans to run away.

"Mommy," her toddler looked up at her with wide eyes, standing over the blue stain that added toothpaste to the list of ingredients.

"Ivy, will you please take your brother to his room and play with him, while I clean this up?" Riley requested.

"I could help," her daughter offered.

"Taking care of your brother would be a huge help," Riley returned, her eyes pleading with her daughter to listen.

"Okay," Ivy gave in, taking Mattie's hand and leading him out of the room.

Riley found the empty glass bottle that had once contained her perfume, along with a shampoo bottle, a bar of soap with a bite taken out of it, and the tube of toothpaste, all hidden behind the rocking chair that sat in the corner. She moved to the bathroom, where she dropped all of them into the sink, and grabbed a washcloth out of the bottom drawer. Running it under the sink, she looked up at the girl in the mirror and wondered when she had gone from looking like the princess of her story, to the evil, old witch.

Her hair was falling out of its ponytail and hung in frizzy strands around her face that stuck up in every direction. Her make up from three days ago was smudged around her eyes and she could see wrinkles that she didn't remember being there the last time she had looked in the mirror. She found her eyes narrowing at a piece of hair that looked suspiciously gray.

Her phone ringing brought her out of her trance and she pulled it from the pocket of her jeans, "Hello?"

"Hey, Riles. How's your day gone?" her husband's cheerful, "Bad news," voice came over the line.

"You're staying late, aren't you?" Riley asked, her voice flat.

"I really need to have this paperwork done by tomorrow. You know I would rather be home with you," he assured her, his voice apologetic.

"You wouldn't if you could see it right now," she informed him, thinking of the mess that she had been waiting to clean up until the children were in bed.

"We could live in a cardboard box on the side of the road and I would still be happy to come home every night, as long as I knew you were waiting for me," he informed her and a reluctant smile spread across her face.

"I love you," she admitted.

"I love you more. I'll be home by ten and you can chew me out about being late, while we catch up on the new season of that reality show that you like," he suggested.

"You know that I don't stay up later than nine," Riley reminded him.

"But maybe you could make an exception, just this once? We haven't had a chance to really talk the last few days."

"Hurry home," she insisted. They ended the call and she returned to scrubbing the stain from the carpet.

Riley loved silence, but she'd come to learn that it wasn't a good sound when your children were unattended in the house, which is why she became concerned when she realized that she was working in complete quiet.

The stain had not come out and she was pretty sure that she had made it worse. On the plus side, if you closed the door, the smell was almost pleasant.

She made her way to her son's room and pushed open the door, fully prepared to discover that they were drawing on the walls (Her daughter had a preference for blue dogs and her son mostly scribbled), but was relieved and surprised to find that they were sitting on the bed going through a picture book.

"Will you read to us, Mommy?" her daughter questioned, looking up with innocent, pleading eyes. They were her husband's eyes and she'd never been very good at saying no to either of them.

"Okay," Riley agreed, sliding onto the bed and stopping the fight that was about to break out about who sat next to her, by moving Matt to her other side.

She made it through the first few pages of the fairytale before her daughter started to get restless.

"Mommy?" Ivy asked, interrupting Riley mid-sentence.

"Yes?" Riley answered, shifting her attention to her daughter.

"I want to hear a _new_ story," Ivy insisted.

"Why don't you go grab that one that Grandpa brought you the last time he was here," Riley suggested, closing the book and letting it rest on her stomach.

"He read that book to me. I want a new story."

"New story," Matt added, his brown eyes, wide as he looked up at her.

"Okay, have I ever told you the one about Princess Riley?" Riley asked, pulling her son closer, as she sunk back into the pillows.

"No," Ivy answered, watching her suspiciously.

"Well, Princess Riley grew up in the kingdom of New York, with her Mommy and Daddy and her little brother Auggie," Riley offered.

"Like Uncle Auggie?" Ivy questioned, sounding unimpressed.

"He was a lot like Uncle Auggie, but much smaller. Anyway, they grew up in a beautiful castle, but Riley's favorite place was her magical Bay Window," Riley continued.

"How was it magic?" Ivy pressed, her eyes closing as she leaned onto her mother's chest.

"It had the power to solve all of the world's problems," Riley replied; stroking her daughter's hair.

She had barely made it the part where she met her prince on the magical form of transportation called, "The Subway," when she realized that both of her children were sound asleep; their tiny bodies generating far more heat then she really thought they should be capable of.

She, gently, repositioned the two of them and draped them in a lightweight blanket, before, quietly, making her retreat from the room.

The light had barely begun to leave the sky, but she closed the blinds and drew the curtains; carefully, picking her way across the war-torn battlefield of the living room. She did her best to contain the toys in the corner of the room that was designated for them; well aware that they would probably have magically multiplied overnight and taken over the house by the next morning, but deciding to put in the effort, anyway.

And, then, made her way to her own bedroom; collapsing in the center of the bed. She doesn't have any intention of falling asleep, herself, only resting for a minute, before going to tackle the kitchen. However, the next thing that she's aware of is the gentle pressure of her husband's lips, kissing her awake.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Lucas greeted her; brushing her hair out of her face.

"What time is it?" she questioned; blinking away the sleep from her eyes.

"Way past your bed time," he offered, collapsing onto the bed next to her, "But, I figured that you'd be really annoyed with me if I didn't wake you up, so you could brush your teeth."

"I've never had a cavity," she reminded him, gathering her strength and pushing herself into an upright position.

"I know. You brag about it every time we go to the dentist," he offered, his voice filled with annoyance, but his smile giving him away.

"How was work?" she crossed the room, grabbing a nightgown out of their dresser.

"Slow. I gave a couple of vaccinations, but it was mostly paperwork. I let myself get behind on my charting and I needed to catch up," Lucas replied, kicking off his shoes and following her into the bathroom, "How were the kids?"

"They spilled a magic potion all over Mattie's room," Riley informed him, "Unfortunately, that perfume that you bought me for our anniversary was one of the ingredients."

"I liked that perfume," he sighed; turning on the shower and shrugging out of his scrub top.

"I did, too," she agreed.

She waited until he had pulled the shower curtain closed, to collect his clothes and shove them into the laundry basket and added her own to the top of the pile. It probably says something about her emotional state that she finds herself getting slightly choked up at the sight of their clothes mixed together.

There had been plenty of times over the years when she'd thought that they weren't going to make it, but, now, here they were sharing one messy house, one laundry basket, one bed.

"You going to join me?" Lucas's voice rose over the sound of the water hitting against the porcelain tub.

"No, I've been wrangling your offspring all day. All I have energy for is brushing my teeth and getting to bed," Riley informed him, as she pulled on the nightgown and let the material settle down around her knees.

She called it her grandmother nightgown because, while it was light enough to be comfortable in the summer months, it was, also, the single most unflattering piece of clothing that she happened to own. But, it was soft against her skin and she'd worn it in the hospital after the births of both of her children, so she kept it around.

She wiped the condensation that was gathering on the mirror off with her hand and pulled out her toothbrush. The routine had been around for long enough that she didn't have to think as she brushed her teeth and listened to Lucas hum from the shower. If confronted he would deny that he did it, but she'd, yet, to get any other reasonable explanation for the progression of notes that were drifting over the shower curtain.

The water, abruptly, cut off and she spit her toothpaste into the sink.

"I was thinking that, maybe, I could take a couple of weeks off towards the ends of the summer. We could take the kids to the beach," Lucas suggested, grabbing the towel from the rack and wiping his hair, before hanging it, loosely around his hips.

"That would be fun," Riley agreed, returning her toothbrush to the cabinet.

She retreated to the bedroom and started pulling down their covers; pausing to stack the decorative pillows on a chair by the door before sliding into her side of the bed and stretching out. It took Lucas several minutes to finish his own routine and he flipped off the light on his way to climb in next to her.

They laid there in silence; their breathing the only sound in the dark. And, then, a cricket chirped outside of their window and, somewhere, a screen door slammed.

"Are you happy?" Lucas broke the silence, rolling over on the bed, until he was facing her. He aligned his body with hers and rested his head in the space between her neck and her shoulder, wrapping one arm loosely around her waist.

"What do you mean?" Riley twined her fingers with his against her waist and settled back against him.

"I know that you volunteered to quit your job and stay home, but are you happy with it? Do you want to go back?"

She didn't really have to think it through, but she hesitated a moment, anyway. She thought about the overflowing dishes in the sink and the laundry that was still sitting in the dryer. There would be little feet pounding across the hardwood far earlier, then Riley wanted to get up, the next morning and she probably hadn't seen the last of her children's magic concoctions.

"Someday, maybe, after the kids are both in school," Riley decided, "But I don't regret my decision."

"Even when the kids dump your four-hundred-dollar perfume all over the floor?" Lucas joked.

"Evan then," she agreed, enjoying the feeling of his laughter shaking both their bodies. She waited for him to still before she spoke again, "Are you happy?"

"Yeah," he didn't hesitate, "I thought I was happy when I met you, when we were dating, when you agreed to marry me; but, somehow, none of it even comes close to what it's like to be able to come home to you every day and have moments like this."

"Do you sit around all day thinking up these great speeches?" Riley questioned, wishing that she could see his face.

"No, you just bring them out in me," he returned and she shifted around, until she was facing him.

"I love you," she whispered, pressing her forehead to his.

"Still?" his breath brushed against her face.

"It's far too late to stop now," she informed him; one hand tracing the curve of his cheek.

"I love you, too," his lips descended on hers.

She wakes up in the center of the bed with Ivy's hair in her face and Mattie's tiny feet pressed against her ankle. Lucas's hand rests in the curve of her hip; like it was designed just to fit there and the sun is casting tiny ripples of light across the carpet.

She can't help thinking, in that moment, that even if the romance is dead and her life isn't the fairytale she'd once believed it to be, she wouldn't trade it for anything else. Not for castles, or glass slippers, or cookies with the perfect ratio of chocolate chips.

But, they still have time; this is only the middle.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and I would love it if you would leave me a review!**


	6. Fine Print

**Part One:**

They used the same paper in birth, death, and marriage records. The same method of branding the ink to the fiber, the same stamps that insure that the records are authentic. At the end of the day, some of the most important legal documents that compose a life are made from pulpwood logs and just as easily destroyed as the people whose names are on them.

He'd never given much thought to paper. The world was increasingly becoming paperless; everything could be written, sent, and read off of a screen. He did all of his charting on a tablet that was used at the clinic he worked for, he hadn't gotten an actual printed receipt in years, all his bills were online and his payments direct deposit.

But, as mighty as technology had become, the proof that paper was still alive (If only hanging on by the tips of its fingernails) was in the pile of papers sitting in the center of his kitchen table.

All the important things still came in print.

His diplomas were paper: parchment, with foil embossed stamping. His mother had sent out a Christmas card every year that was printed on high gloss and signed from the family, in her carefully composed cursive. His marriage license was paper; only given the title of paper stock because the security features included in the paper were top secret.

And, yet, none of it had meant what it should have to him. They were tangible reminders, tangible things that you could hold onto and touch and smell. But, the Christmas letters had ended up tucked into drawers and, eventually, thrown away. His diplomas had been framed and were now coated in dust above his desk. And, his marriage license had been placed in a fireproof safe, where it was expected to withstand anything that could lead to its destruction.

And, now, the dissolution of his marriage was carefully laid out in legal-size, plain, white paper. Each of the spots he was expected to sign or assets he might like to negotiate were marked with yellow stickers.

He'd read somewhere that the firm she'd gone with to draft the papers had transferred over to using recycled paper. And, he can't help thinking that it would be fitting to have his divorce papers made out of the recycled remains of marriage licenses; the recycled hopes and dreams and love.

He'd never thought much about paper, but, now, it's all he thinks about.

* * *

The night he'd asked her to marry him, he'd spent the entire day on a plane.

His family had moved back to Texas his junior year of high school to help out his grandfather on the ranch (It had been in their family for four generations and it seemed wrong to let all that hard work fall apart). But, he'd left his heart in New York and missed her every day since then.

They'd never officially broken up, but their relationship had swerved between late night phone calls that stretched deep into the early morning hours, to weeks of radio silence.

He'd see pictures of her hanging out with their friends or with a boy he didn't know and he'd get a familiar clench in his gut that came from realizing that they weren't as close as they'd once been. That he'd stopped belonging somewhere between the 1,744 miles that stretched between them.

Or she'd see a picture of him at a party with his old friends; a girl pressed to one side in the photo, despite the fact that he'd been avoiding the girl all night. And, he'd hear her jealousy and insecurities in her voice as she'd speak to him in stilted, uncomfortable conversation the next day. Nothing he said ever managed to assure her that he was coming back.

He'd spent all of the money he'd collected from his family as a gift for his graduation on a plane ticket to New York. Not sure what he was actually doing, until he'd shoved his clothes into a duffel bag and found his grandmother's ring sitting in a velvet box in his sock drawer.

He'd climbed her fire escape in the dead of night, knocked on her window, and felt all those miles be crushed into nothing the minute that their eyes had met.

She'd packed her own bag and slipped out the window; clutching his hand through the entire descent. They'd sat up all night planning the future on the courthouse steps in whispered voices; his thumb rubbing circles into her palm and their lips close enough that they could feel each other's breaths on their faces.

He'd half expected her to change her mind by morning. To come to her senses and realize all the reasons why they should wait, but she never had an ounce of uncertainty appear in her eyes.

They'd been first in line as soon as it opened; the sun barely rising in the sky. And, they'd been legally bound to one another for the rest of their lives before anyone even realized they were gone.

Their families had been furious and there'd been plenty of yelling and hurt feelings, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it even, now. Because for a moment they'd belonged to only each other and their future had been as bright as the rising sun.

* * *

The silent standoff lasts for three weeks before a car pulls up to the house and a blonde gets out. The blonde's shoulders are squared and she moves with purpose, as she crosses the lawn that's in desperate need of trimming and pounds on his front door with her fist.

He doesn't make any effort to move from the window that he's spent most of the last three weeks sitting in. He can see most of the neighborhood from the bench he'd carefully sanded and upholstered shortly after they'd purchased the fixer-upper.

His neighbor across the street and one house over is working in their flower beds and the one directly across the street has been working under the hood of their car all morning. Everyone else's lives are going on, while his stands deadly still.

"Lucas!" her voice echoes through the street, as she retreats back into his field of vision on the front lawn. He must be in real trouble if she's decided to start using his name, "I didn't fly fifteen-hundred miles to stand on your grass making a scene. Get down here and sign the stupid divorce papers, so I can take Riley home."

He closes the blinds and her language rapidly deteriorates.

* * *

They moved into a one-bedroom apartment above a bookstore. They have to turn sideways to slide along the wall to their bed and they blow a fuse whenever they use the microwave, but they're blissfully happy.

They lay twined together; as they study textbooks and notes from their classes. They're always touching, always reaching out to each other, whenever they're in close proximity. The world outside of their little home feels like a dream and he lives for the moment when he slips his key into the door and walks inside.

She's usually spread out across the hardwood floors (they're still saving up for a couch); her back propped against the wall and her laptop spread across her legs. She'll turn and look at him; her eyes dancing with love and his heart will feel full enough to burst.

* * *

He's not sure how Zay got leave from the Navy, but he's the next one to show up; wearing low-slung jeans and a dark green, long-sleeve shirt. But, he still has a soft spot for Maya, after all these years, so it really shouldn't surprise Lucas all that much.

He uses Riley's key to get in through the front door and Lucas hears the sound of his feet falling heavily on the stairs, before he's pulling open the door to the spare bedroom and flipping on the lights.

It's the first bit of hope that he's been given that there's still a part of her that cares, if she'd been willing to give her key to the house to Zay, but not to Maya.

"She still snaps and you still come running?" Lucas offered, his head rested against the blinds and his feet spread out across the window seat.

"It's Maya," Zay offers, quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Zay had enlisted directly out of high school, several months after Maya had shredded his heart and had been running ever since. Lucas got a steady stream of emails and the occasional bit of news from Zay's mother, but he could count the number of times he'd seen his best friend since high school on one-hand.

He'd never made any secret of his resentment towards Maya over the entire matter, but Maya had resented Lucas long before that for the monopoly he'd had on her best friend. They hadn't waged open war, until he'd married Riley and, then, it had become open season on Lucas Friar.

"You think I should sign them?" Lucas questioned, opening his eyes just enough that he could read the expressions on Zay's face.

"I think if your marriage was really over, she'd come down here and ask you to sign those papers herself," Zay returned, kicking off his shoes before settling back on his bed.

* * *

They make it through school living paycheck to paycheck and eating food almost exclusively out of cans. He knows that Riley is a somewhat capable cook and learning to grill is a Friar rite of passage, but they're both caught up in classwork and part-time jobs.

They get so sick of it that Riley bans canned food from their home; the minute she gets hired on at the library. They're still conservative with their spending, since Lucas is working his way through a doctorate degree, but Riley cooks her way through recipe after recipe and their house always smells like slowly simmering roast or homemade spaghetti sauce.

The kitchen is littered with cookbooks that have Riley's notes in the margins. They end up splattered in food and crinkled with water stains, but Riley had packed up her Kindle and gone back to paper after one of her teachers had taught her to love the essence of a corporeal, bound, book.

Lucas doesn't entirely understand it, but she's enjoys it and there's always a plate of food left in the rarely used microwave when he gets home from his late-night studying sessions.

He eats in the dim lighting of the kitchen, occasionally flipping through the cookbooks and running his hands over her familiar writing. Before, climbing into bed next to her and pulling her into his arms. She's usually gone before he gets up the next morning and they're lucky if they can snag an hour together during their coinciding lunch breaks.

But, he thinks they're still happy.

She never tells him otherwise.

* * *

By the time that four weeks rolls around he comes to the conclusion that she's not coming back. She'd taken all of the books from the bookshelf in their bedroom and a good number of her clothes are missing from the closet. Each of her missing belongings leaves the house feeling less like the home they'd worked so hard to build.

He wanders from room to room trying to find something familiar; something that would tether him, but without her there's really nothing left.

When Maya shows up for her standing appointment to demand he signs the papers; his neighbors are already gathering on their lawns, ready to watch the show. But, the papers are taped to the door, Lucas's signature scrawled in each of the appropriate places.

She takes them and leaves; he goes out and jabs a, "For Sale," sign into the front lawn.

* * *

 **Part Two:**

The beginning of the end starts with a pregnancy test. They aren't trying, but her period is a week late and she stops by the drug store on her way home. There's an entire row of brightly colored boxes that promise accuracy and surety and she snags three of them before heading to the checkout.

The woman at the register smiles at her, offers her words of encouragement and Riley realizes that she should be excited about this. Lucas had been hinting for a while that he was ready to start a family, as soon as she was, but every time she'd start to feel ready, something in their life would get complicated.

They'd considered it when she'd gotten her first job at the public library in New York. It was the same one that had planted the start of their romance and it had all felt like destiny coming together. She'd tended the books with love and walked between the shelves with fond memories.

Then, Lucas had gotten busy with school and she'd started seeing less and less of him. All their moments were stolen and she suddenly found herself trying to find things that could fill the loneliness inside of her. She'd cooked, until she could mince and whisk and poach with the best of them and surrounded herself with the books that felt like old friends.

And, she'd considered having a baby, so she wouldn't have to come home to an empty house. But that reasoning felt wrong and they didn't have room for another human being in their tiny apartment, anyway.

They'd moved to Texas after he graduated; Lucas wanted land and skies that weren't obscured with city lights and Riley had never lived outside of the city and was ready for a new adventure. They'd talked of their children, as they'd toured through home after home and finally seen a future among a foreclosure that was missing all of its doorknobs and light fixtures.

She'd mostly fallen in love with the window upstairs that gave a perfect view of the neighborhood and had the perfect seat for reading. It would need to be sanded down and upholstered, but it was enough like her Bay Window, to feel like a little piece of home. And the neighbors all waved as they drove down the street and the front porch was perfect for sitting and rocking and listening to the crickets chirping in the night.

A construction project was no place for a baby and they'd tabled the decision until they had a chance to settle in.

And, now, she was a week late and they hadn't even been trying.

Maya had been trying for over two years.

She sits listening to the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall opposite her, as she waits for the timer on her phone to go off. Three pregnancy tests sit lined up on the counter beside her and she forces herself to stare intently at her knees that are visible around the full skirt of her dress.

She thinks of a baby with Lucas's sandy hair and her brown eyes, or one with her dark hair and his green eyes. She tries to picture herself with a baby in her arms or settled on her hip. She tries to imagine Lucas throwing a football as a carbon copy of him reaches out to catch it.

They're dreams she's thought of a million times, but they all feel a little hazy around the edges, now that she's faced with reality.

The timer goes off and every test is negative. She throws them away in the neighbor's trash and realizes on the way back that she isn't feeling disappointment, but relief.

Her period comes the next day on her lunch break and she cries in a bathroom stall; overwhelmed with guilt.

* * *

Maya and Riley were always supposed to have children together; children that would be best friends and play together and maybe marry each other, someday. They'd whispered about their plans in hushed voices, when they were supposed to be sleeping.

Riley had told Maya her dreams of white weddings and long aisles and Maya had promised to drag Riley along when she decided to elope in the dead of night.

They'd never dreamed that it would be Maya to walk down a church aisle and Riley to run away the night of her graduation to marry the boy that had stolen her heart and broken it in equal measure.

Maya had never forgiven her.

Though, whether it was for stealing her dream or not taking Maya with her was never entirely clear.

* * *

Lucas works long hours. He's at the bottom of the food chain and still trying to learn how to put everything he'd learned in school into practice.

She misses him. She misses Maya. She misses home.

She's not sure he's noticed.

* * *

It's a rainstorm that persuades her to leave.

It starts late the previous night, long before Lucas comes stumbling in exhausted and collapses in the bed next to her. She stares at the ceiling, listening to the sound of rain hitting their roof and knowing that she should get up and place a pan under the leak in the neighboring room, but unable to bring herself to do so.

She's still awake when Lucas slips out of bed the next morning and starts getting ready for work. She was supposed to be leaving for her own job at that exact moment, but she can't find the energy or desire to get out of bed.

He doesn't notice. Doesn't try to wake her.

She hears the sound of the front door slam and his car pull out of the driveway and she wonders if he would notice if she was dead.

* * *

"You were so young when you got married," Maya reminds her later, after she's called in sick and curled up in her window seat, "And Lucas had been gone for so long; it must have been easy to get caught up in the excitement of having him come all that way and tell you that he was still in love with you. He didn't give you any time to process your decision and it was so unlike you to give up everything and run away with him."

It was unlike her and it had been fast. She's known what she'd wanted and decided that nothing else mattered in her pursuit of it; not Maya's feelings or her parent's opinions.

And it was hard to remember why she'd done it, when she's sitting in her window seat alone; when she can't remember the last real conversation that they had.

"You think I should leave him?" Riley questioned; letting her head fall against the cool glass of the window. The raindrops distort everything that she can see and she closes her eyes.

"I think you deserve to be happy. And he hasn't made you really happy in a long time."

* * *

He signs the papers and she's not sure how they came to be here.

She has a vague recollection of going to the firm that her mother had recommended; being swept away by a lawyer that had known her mother in law school and hadn't ever questioned what Riley wanted. She'd already had the papers drawn up and she'd returned to her hotel room and sat on the edge of the bed; clutching them in her hand and feeling sick to her stomach.

Maya flies out a day later. She helps Riley pack up her belongings and hold the papers to the fridge with the same magnet that had held up Lucas's mother's Christmas card the year before.

The card that she'd carelessly thrown away a month before his mother had been killed in a car accident. Before, Lucas had started working so hard at the clinic. Before, he'd closed himself off from her.

She throws up on the front grass, while Maya loads her bags into the back of the car.

* * *

It takes him four weeks to the sign the papers.

It takes her six months to realize that he's not coming after her.

* * *

All Riley thinks about is paper.

She's spent her career in rooms full of sheets of paper bound into books. They carry life and love and tragedy and death, but, most of all, they carry hope. Because, even though, the world's turned their back on the printed word; somehow, it's still alive. And, as long as she's breathing; she'll continue to make sure that it matters to everyone that walks through her library doors.

She ends up at her old middle school and offers life advice in the books that she hands out to troubled students.

She can't think of a single one to help her situation, when Lucas Friar walks through her doors.

"You didn't file our divorce papers," he started; the expression on his face clearly showing that this wasn't how he'd meant to start out.

"I didn't sign them," she admitted; her eyes focusing on a crack in the counter in front of her. His presence fills the entire room and her heart feels like it might just beat out of her chest.

"Why not?"

"I guess, I just wasn't ready, yet. And I figured that if you could take four weeks to sign them," she trailed off, when she realized how little of an argument she really had.

"You could take a year to file them?" he suggested.

She can't come up with a response, any more then she can meet his gaze.

"It really made a mess of filing my taxes," he, finally, continued.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he admitted and she finally met his gaze, "I don't know where we went wrong, or how we went wrong, but I'd like a chance to figure it out. I miss you, Riles."

"We were so young when we got married," she reminded him, "We didn't know anything about life or being adults or being married. And we didn't care that our families thought we were too young, or that we were doing it without our best friends in the entire world there to witness it. Don't you ever feel like we messed everything up?"

"No," he denied, "Sometimes. Do you?"

"No. Sometimes," she repeated.

"All I wanted was you and I don't regret the time we've had together. Maybe, we didn't have any idea what we were getting ourselves into or what we were doing; but does anyone **,** really? I jumped on a plane the minute I found out we weren't legally divorced; your rings are still hanging around your neck. Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't make the same decision we made then, right now?"

* * *

He flies across the country with only a duffel bag. She leaves the library with only her purse.

It's the middle of the day and what they're doing isn't practical and it certainly doesn't make sense. But, she grips his hand tightly in hers and follows him through the hallways and out the doors.

They don't have a destination, but, maybe, they don't really need one.

They talk about their future on the front steps of the middle school in quiet whispers and, then, they live it.

* * *

 **Epilogue:**

He'd given a lot of thought to paper over the last two years.

The world was increasingly becoming paperless; everything could be written, sent, and read off of a screen. He did all of his charting on a tablet that was used at the clinic he worked for, he hadn't gotten an actual printed receipt in years, all his bills were online and his payments direct deposit.

His wife had a different view, but they'd worked through their differences a long time ago.

As mighty as technology had become, the proof that paper was still alive (If only hanging on through Riley's sheer willpower) was in the pile of papers sitting in the center of his kitchen table.

All the important things still came in print.

Riley's cookbooks, which were still scattered around their kitchen and printed in high-gloss. The letters he'd started writing to her on parchment paper (Placed under her pillow for the nights that he worked late). Their marriage license; printed on paper stock and still securely protected in a fireproof safe.

And, now, the pictures of their daughter; printed on ultrasound paper and each of her body parts labeled in fine print.

* * *

 **This started out as a chapter of Infamy; it did not stay that way.**

 **Someday, I'd like to go further in depth with this story and flesh out some of the ideas that I brought up, but I think I've got quite enough on my plate at the moment. I apologize for the weird formatting. I considered breaking this up into different chapters, but, then, thought it would look a little weird in BTR and, then, considered making it it's own three-shot story, but the different word counts for chapters was making me crazy and I wasn't sure how that would work if I decide to expand on it. I, also, took a different stylistic approach on this and tried to really make an impact in as few words as possible. No idea if I succeeded.**

 **Once again, thanks to everyone that's read my work and I would really love it if you left me a review and let me know what you think!**


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